Sometimes I make stuff up. You know, like Conservatives standing up for democracy and human rights (November 29 post) or Tony Clement being a superhero (October 11 post).
But lately it's been getting harder. I mean, how do you compete with stuff like this?
Fer instance:
The newly-elected millionaire mayor of Toronto invites a millionaire TV sports celebrity who lives in another city to officially inaugurate him. The millionaire media celeb (who derives most of his income from performing his schtik on the public network) agrees, saying "People are sick of the elites and artsy people running the show. It's time for some lunch pail, blue-collar people."
In his inaugural speech, the newly-elected mayor calls on all councillors to work together. The visiting, celebrity (but apparently non-elite) millionaire, opines (while wearing a pink jacket) that pinkos "ride bicycles and everything." He then insults various members of council, calling them "left-wing kooks".
The newly-elected mayor declares, "The war on the car" is over, and moves to kill public transit projects underway. The elites will now have to drive, just like Joe Lunchpail.
Elected on a platform of fiscal responsibility, the mayor's move wastes $130 million already spent and risks incurring financial penalties for reneging on $1.3 billion in contracts already signed and machinery already purchased.
The mayor announces a tax freeze, abolition of the vehicle registration tax (costing $64 million), and his plan to hire 100 more police officers.
The mayor promises to balance the budget without cutting programs. He gets rid of free coffee for councillors. He also plans to cut their office budgets by $20K. Combined, the savings add up to a few hundred thousand.
The new mayor is reported to have a campaign debt of $650,000.
The visiting millionaire TV celebrity predicts the new mayor will be "the greatest mayor this city has ever seen."
Ninety-one Toronto police officers are fined a day's pay for removing their names tags so they couldn't be identified while beating peaceful protesters during the G20. That should eat up a chunk of their overtime.
Toronto police chief Bill Blair attacks the victim of one particularly vicious assault by police, as well as the provincial Special Investigations Unit. He then apologizes. Sort of.
Ontario ombudsman, Andre Marin, in his report on the infamous five metre law, calls it illegal and unconstitutional. It was used to harass, interrogate, and detain without charge thousands of people. Marin says it was requested by Blair. Blair says he regrets not explaining things better.
So far Blair still has his job. No police officers face charges or discipline over the acts of brutality.
Unlike some of his officers, Blair is a stickler when it comes to protecting the rights of the accused -- accused police officer, that is. He explains the delay in identifying the culprits and holding them accountable is because he has to follow procedures to the letter.
Federal auditor general Sheila Fraser finds that the ethics commissioner appointed by Stephen Harper acted unethically toward her staff.
I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
