Home of the Whopper

Many of you may not know this, but 500 Words enjoys the dubious distinction of being represented in the Canadian House of Commons by that Pinocchio of Parliament, Bev Oda.

Yep, the reality-challenged Minister (for now) of International Cooperation is the sitting member for the riding of Durham, which contains the township of Scugog (a name derived from the native Mississauga language, meaning "place of dirty snow banks"), which in turn nestles in its bosom, the idyllic burg of Port Perry.

True to its small town, Tory Ontario roots, Port Perry has a long tradition of electing Conservatives. And even with Oda's britches blazing brightly, that's not likely to change. Heck, the Conservatives could run an orangutan and it would win in Port Perry.

Now lest you think we're stupid, let me assure you we're not. For example, we may have the unfortunate tendency to vote in overwhelming numbers for politicians who like to slash health care, but we don't mean our health care. We mean somebody else's. Nothing draws a swarm of angry Port Perrians like a meeting about cuts to our local hospital. We get pretty riled if anyone threatens to mess with our schools, recreation facilities (especially ice rinks), or roads budget too. It's just that, like everybody else these days, we expect a tax cut as part of every federal, provincial, and municipal budget. Pretty clever, eh?

And we're certainly not dishonest either (or I suspect no more dishonest than most folks). Judging by the number of churches in town, you might even call us God-fearing. And that's where we part company with our commandment-busting MP.

Turns out this KAIROS organization she blackballed is made up of a bunch of Christian missionaries, for Pete's sake. You can look it up for yourself right here. Anglicans and Catholics and Presbyterians and Christian Reformed and United Church people. Just like we got here in Port Perry, going on missions to countries like Uganda and Honduras. And they're all working together, ecumenical-like, same as when we have the Good Friday walk, or the David Festival, or the World Day of Prayer.

So when our MP decides to bad mouth a bunch of Christian do-gooders and then tries to duck responsibility and lie about it, well it don't go down too well. Stephen Harper may think there's nothing wrong with that, but we know better. We know it's wrong. It's in the commandments, dude.

Still Confused?

Previously, I've described how you could tell if you might be turning into a Conservative (If you like your guns long and your census short, you might be a Conservative). You can diagnose yourself by clicking here and here.

However, I know that, for some of you, the fear persists. So, to reassure you, here are some ways to tell that you're definitely not turning into a Conservative.

• You think it's a bad idea to paint a giant bull's eye on the sides of our air force planes.
  
• You'd rather drive a Ford than vote for one.
  
• You think bullying a church-based human rights organization, falsifying a document to make it look like the recommendation of civil servants, and lying about it to a parliamentary committee makes you unfit to be a cabinet minister.
  
• You think you're safer protesting in Cairo than you are in Toronto.
  
• You've played the Tim Hudak drinking game: every time he says, "Ontario families," you take a drink. You were blotto in fifteen minutes.
  
• You think a secret deal to hand over control of Canada's borders and immigration policy to the U.S. Department of Homeland Security is probably a bad deal.
  
• You think that TV and radio stations shouldn't be allowed to broadcast "news" they know is false.
  
• You think, "If we build it, they will come," is not a good enough reason to spend nearly $10 billion on new prisons.
  
• You live in Toronto and you'd rather ride the bus than throw people under it.
  
• You live in Toronto and you wish you could vote in Calgary.
  
• You can think in sentences, not just bumper stickers.
  
• You own a pink bicycle. Extra points if it has plaid fenders.
  
• You admit you read the Toronto Star and watch the CBC.
  

There must be others. Send me you suggestions. I'll publish them.

Valentine’s Day

It's Valentine's Day, a day to celebrate love in its many forms. A day for hugs and kisses, hearts and flowers, wine and chocolate.

Here at 500 Words World Headquarters, we're big believers in the holiday. And since the old song says, "What the world needs now is love, sweet love," we'd like to offer Valentine's Day wishes for "love, sweet love" where we think there's "just too little of" it.

To Bob and Doug, the hoser twins running Hogtown: make love, not war, on your city. Stop viewing Toronto as a speedbump on the road to your favourite steakhouse in Mississauga. C'mon guys, get outa the car: walk around Kensington Market, take in a play, visit the ROM or the AGO, ride the Rocket, sit on a patio.

To taxpayers: we wish you'd fall in love with the idea of being citizens. Stop expecting your taxes to constantly go down while whining that infrastructure is falling apart, services are declining, and politicians are all liars. Start paying attention. Vote. Need a role model? Look at the Middle East.

To politicians: show us some love. Start talking to us in sentences instead of bumper stickers. The problems are hard; the solutions can't be that simple.

To Conservative MP Steven Blaney: we hope you'll be a bit more loving. The Québec City-area MP wants to require veiled Muslim women to remove their face coverings before voting. We're happy to report he's not trying to force them to remove their veils before they vote by mail.

To Québec: we still love you, but hey, how about some amour for Sikhs? Québec's National Assembly recently passed (unanimously) a motion banning Sikhs from entering while carrying their kirpans, a ceremonial dagger. And now the Bloc Québécois says it wants to see the same rule apply on Parliament Hill, where a Liberal MP from Ontario, Navdeep Bains (Mississauga-Brampton South) wears a kirpan.

To America: thanks for loving us. Seems the most recent Gallup World Affairs poll found that Americans view Canada more favourably than any other country in the world. We know you love our Bieber, but what aboot our health care?

To Ontario Conservative Leader Tim "Mini-Mike" Hudak: thanks, but no thanks. You've had commitment issues with your platform for eighteen months. Then, finally, this week you promise buck-a-bottle beer? We've gotten drunk and let you have your way with us before. All we were left with were the hangover and the bitter regret. It's not even good beer.

To Stephen Harper, couldn't you at least fake it? Loving democracy, I mean. When word broke that the Egyptian people had chased Mubarak from office, you (who shut down Parliament, twice) passionately embraced the moment: "I think the old expression is: 'They're not going to put the toothpaste back in the tube on this one.'" Then your government rolled over and went to sleep.

To you, my readers: I hope that on Valentine's Day, you love and are loved.

Who Ya Gonna Believe?

"These findings should sound a loud alarm to the Department of Homeland Security, the Canadian government, and our Committee. The American people are grossly under-protected along our northern border." – Sen. Joseph Lieberman, Ind. CT, Chair of the Homeland Security and Governmental Affairs Committee, responding to a report prepared for his committee on northern border security, Tuesday

"[The Government is] negotiating a secret agreement with the U.S. on the border [while Joe Lieberman] dragged our national reputation through the mud." – Martha Hall Findlay, Liberal MP, Wednesday

"[H]ow much information about ourselves are we being asked to surrender to American authorities? No one can tell us. This is why the secrecy of this deal is troubling." – Michael Ignatieff, Leader of the Official Opposition

"[N]either parliamentarians nor the population have had any access to any information whatsoever regarding this debate" – Pierre Paquette, BQ MP

"All we're asking for is a little democracy. [Harper] hasn't informed Canadians what he's up to and he hasn't consulted this House." – Paul Dewar, NDP MP

"[Conservatives] will always put Canada's interests first..." – John Baird, Government House Leader

"Every deal this prime minister has made has led to a thicker border, not a thinner one. American politicians continue to slag Canadians as terrorists and they go uncontested every single day." – Brian Masse, NDP MP

"We have a very positive relationship with the Obama administration." – Peter Van Loan, Minister of International Trade

"Obviously Canada and the United States are not going to match up perfectly on every measure with respect to how we balance security issues, privacy issues, openness issues. But we match up more than probably any country on Earth." – Barack Obama, President of the United States of America

"The vague plans outlined Friday by Stephen Harper for a common border security arrangement with the U.S. threaten Canada's sovereignty. That's a given. Regardless of the Prime Minister's denials, most Canadians get that." – Thomas Walkom, Toronto Star.

"This declaration is not about sovereignty." – Stephen Harper, Prime Minister

"Never believe anything in politics until it has been officially denied." – Otto von Bismarck, 19^th century German statesman

More Winter 2011 Points and Miles Offers

With Family Day long weekend and the March Break fast approaching, I thought I'd highlight some hotel and points offers that have come my way the last few weeks.

You can earn 250 American AAdvantage miles just for joining Best Western Rewards. The offer is valid until April 11, 2011.

Priority Club's (Holiday Inn, etc.) first promotion of 2011 lets you earn 3,000 bonus points for every three nights you stay, up to 30,000 bonus points for 30 nights. It's good for hotel stays from February 1 to April 30, 2011. You have to register via this link: Priority Club 2011-Q1 Bonus Points Promotion registration link.

Priority Club is also offering an easy 500 points for completing three simple surveys. Click this link to find the Flyertalk post with links to the surveys and anwers. Points post right away.

Until April 13, 2011 Choice Privileges (the loyalty program of Comfort Inn, EconoLodge, Clarion, Quality, and several others) is awarding triple points after your second stay. If you're planning a road trip south and back in the next few months, this is potentially a very valuable offer as these are generally budget properties common at Interstate exits. You can join and register for the offer via this link.

Carlson Hotels' Radisson chain is offering 10,000 bonus Goldpoints through February 28, 2011 for booking the "Experience the World of Radisson" promotion. Here's the link.

Air Canada's Winter Extravelganza lets Aeroplan members earn double miles and other bonuses if they register and fly selected routes between now and April 30, 2011. Details are available here.

Marriott Hotels Weekend Bonus offers a $100 Bonus Bucks coupon good toward a future two-night weekend getaway as well as up to $100 off airfare. Just spend a Friday or Saturday night at participating JW Marriott or Marriott Hotels & Resorts. Book by February 11, 2011, and stay from February 10 through March 27, 2011. Details are here.

I haven't written about Wyndham Rewards before. It's the loyalty program of such well-known chains as Ramada, Super 8, Howard Johnson, Travelodge, and Days Inn. Until April 30, 2011, members earn double points with their second stay, triple points with their third, and quadruple points with their fourth. Like the Choice Hotels offer, this one also has great potential for Florida-bound snowbirds, as these hotels are also common along the Interstates. You can join the program and register for the promotion here.

And for the truly adventurous, Hyatt is offering 2,000 bonus Gold Passport points for a stay at the Grand Hyatt Cairo. The offer is good until April 15, 2011. Details are available via this link.

Safe travels.

Pyramid Power

Seeing the people of Egypt – young, old, rich, poor, men, women, Muslim, Christian – rise up against the dictator Mubarak, has captured the imagination of the world.

We sense we are witnessing one of those rare moments of historical transformation, akin to the fall of the Berlin Wall or the deposing of the Shah of Iran. It's too early, though, to tell which one the outcome will more resemble.

But here are some random reactions to events so far.

The popular uprising in Egypt, and the earlier one in Tunisia, has changed the Western world's view of Arabs. On our TV screens, we're being confronted with a challenge to the stereotype of fanatical "ragheads" screaming, "Death to America!" We're seeing people who look a lot like us crying out for dignity, freedom, and justice. Brave people we can admire.

Seems they don't hate our freedoms after all. Seems they just want some for themselves as well.

You don't need to invade their country to bring them democracy. They can do it themselves with Twitter and Facebook.

You sense the effect on Arabs themselves has been galvanizing. In gaining the respect of the world, they have reclaimed their own self-respect. The resulting surge in self-confidence could transform the Middle East not just politically, but economically and socially.

"Stability" is a euphemism for repression, not a synonym for democracy. Our fear of terrorism has led us to support the former instead of the later.

When F-16's roar over the crowd, we're reminded that totalitarian regimes throughout the Middle East are armed by the United States. (Hey, maybe that's why Stephen Harper wants those new jets.)

Speaking of Harper, his words of support for peaceful protestors in the streets of Cairo rings hollow, given his repression of protestors in the streets of Toronto.

Mubarak has to go. The U.S., the army, Egypt's wealthy can provide the push. Some interim leader acceptable to them as well as the people in the streets can hold the fort until elections in September. It's important, though, that a legal process be followed so that the new government has legitimacy and international recognition.

Israel can't be too happy. U.S.-sponsored "stability" ensured that client Arab states weren't actively hostile to Israel. If a popular democratic movement sweeps the Middle East, that is likely to change in some cases. Israel has shown in the past that it won't hesitate to react if it feels threatened.

A significant portion of global trade passes through the Suez Canal (in Egypt). And of course, the Middle East is a major oil producing region. Instability in the area will result in higher oil prices with the associated effects on the global economy.

There are always dangers present when the old order is swept away, but opportunities as well. Whatever the results of the current popular uprisings throughout the Middle East, they just may mark the beginning of an Arab Renaissance.