Thursday, March 29, 2012

The Harper Games

It's an annual ritual: a privileged elite in a distant capital exacts a terrible tribute from the oppressed citizens living in the far-flung districts of the nation. While the pretence of democracy is maintained, the majority seethes with discontent, but any opposition is dealt with harshly and swiftly. Resistance is futile.

Yes, it's the blockbuster everyone's talking about: The Harper Games.

  • Tune in to see if Games Master Jim Flaherty can hit a deficit target on his eighth attempt!
  • Thrill to the spectacle of starving seniors battling it out over tins of cat food in the arena!
  • Watch in horror as environmental regulations are gutted!
  • See rivers of blood flow at the CBC!
  • Witness the axe fall on thousands of civil servants!

And every year, some fortunate group is selected for partial exemption from tribute: the buyers of bus passes, skating lessons, or cordless drills are just of few of the past winners. A favoured few may even have the Games Master or Harper himself come to their kitchen and appear on the video screens of the nation. Who will it be this year?

And this just in…

No surprise here really: it looks like the oil companies! Again! Let's hear it for the lucky winners!

Follow me on Twitter: @AeneasLane

Wednesday, March 28, 2012

We're Like Mike

Somewhere today, Mike Harris is smiling.

The vicious thug who believed it was the job of government to destroy what previous generations had built and to terrorize the weak and powerless has achieved his goal of permanently transforming Ontario into a mean-spirited, economic backwater.

When Harris cut taxes by 30%, economists (at least those who didn't butt-smooch for banks or right-wing "think" tanks) warned that he was destroying Ontario's "fiscal capacity". That was a fancy way of saying we wouldn't have enough money to pay our bills. Like me or you saying, "To hell with it; I'm cutting back to three days a week."

They were right. Harris skipped town on ballooning government debt and a huge deficit.

A newly-elected Dalton McGuinty caused an uproar when he tried to disguise the tax increase that was necessary to balance the books as a "health premium". But he learned his lesson: tax cuts are popular; tax increases are not.

So when he did the right thing fiscally by harmonizing the GST and PST, he also did the irresponsible, but popular, thing politically: he simultaneously cut personal and corporate income taxes. You hadn't noticed? That's because, just like Harris' cuts, the benefits of such cuts go mainly to the wealthy. That's the point.

And then the Great Recession hit Ontario, and the grateful corporations closed their factories and fired their workers, and Ontario was a few billions short -- $17 billion to be precise.

You didn't hear about that during last fall's election – from any of the parties. It's what's called "an inconvenient truth". But McGuinty had already appointed a former bank economist called Drummond to "study" the situation. He wasn't allowed to consider tax increases; he was to find "efficiencies". And buy time until after the election. And to soften us up. And to provide political cover.

In fact, as part of the softening up process, McGuinty himself criss-crossed the province telling us we would all have to make sacrifices. And boasting how his government had cut our taxes by $18 billion a year. Remember that $17 billion annual deficit? In other words, a deficit entirely of his making, Entirely unnecessary. Completely avoidable.

Restore taxes on the wealthy and corporations making record profits to the level they were just a few years ago. Do that, and the deficit disappears. No need to sacrifice children, the disabled, the poor, the elderly, the sick, and all those who are going to lose their livelihoods and homes with the budget proposed yesterday.

The Liberals will say they made "hard" choices; that they're being "tough". They always say that when they pick on the powerless and the unpopular, like public sector workers.

Want to show me how tough you are McGuinty? Raise taxes on the rich. But that really would be hard.

And that's why Mike Harris is smiling. Because he succeeded in changing us. He remade us in his own image: a province of selfish, small-minded bullies, unwilling to pay a few bucks a week – the price of a large double-double – to preserve the Ontario our parents bequeathed to us.

Follow me on Twitter: @AeneasLane

Sunday, March 25, 2012

Just Remember, You Read it Here First

Now that the NDP has chosen Thomas Mulcair as its new leader, it won't be long before the Conservatives unleash the full shock and awe of their smear campaign to define him in the vilest terms possible.

Recently 500 Words obtained an inside look at just how the Conservative machine operates. Donning a plaid sportscoat and a "Just Give 'er" ballcap, and clutching a large double-double, I concealed myself among a group of Conservative loyalists being given a tour of party headquarters.

When our hoods were removed, I noticed we appeared to be in a vast, subterranean complex. We were greeted by our tour guide, a cheerful woman, who said her name was Bev. As she led us down a dimly lit corridor, we could hear the distant sounds of rattling chains, painful whimpering, and the occasional anguished cry. "Pay no attention," said Bev, "That's just the weekly caucus meeting." My group nodded in unison.

She led us to a room, marked "The Peter Van Loan Free Speech Institute". Once our eyes adjusted to the darkness, we could see rows of gnome-like creatures hunched over banks of telephones: "Are you aware your Liberal MP is resigning?", "Have you heard the rumour your NDP member is quitting?"

Bev explained that this very room had been ground zero for the free speech campaign to help liberate the people of Irwin Cottler's riding. Several women moaned. A lady from Red Deer fainted and had to be supported by her husband.

Next we were led to the Sun Media Video Centre. "Or as we like to call it, our National Broadcaster," joked Bev. Everyone gave a knowing chuckle. "You've probably seen our latest effort? It wasn't easy finding twenty-year old footage of Bob Rae giggling, but these guys are the best. Take a bow, boys." Several pale geeks rose from their monitors, embarrassed, accompanied by a cloud of Cheetos dust. Our group applauded vigourously. "OK, folks, let's let them get back to work."

"I've saved the best 'til last last," said Bev, as she led us back into the hallway and down to a large conference room marked "Preston Manning Centre for Building Democracy". At the far end sat a group of hollow-eyed twenty-somethings, empty coffee cups and Red Bull cans scattered about.

Bev introduced us, "Got some fine folks here that help pay your salary." She winked. "Can you give us a hint as to what kinda welcome the commie socialists' new boss can expect?" She winked again.

An over-caffeinated woman filled us in: "We've been spit-balling messages based on the NDP's initials; you know 'No Donations Party' or 'Not Dependable Party' – explosive stuff! But we think we're going to go with 'No Depends Party'; it just works on so many emotional levels! We just have to get the nerds down in Sun Centre to come up with some old video of Mulcair farting or scratching his ass! The ads will be ready to go in time for the playoffs! Just have to run them before and after Coach's Corner and the next election is as good as won!"

Around me people were crying, speaking in tongues, and whipping out their cheque books.

****************************************************************************

There's a good reason you haven't heard from me for a while. I've recently become a grandfather for the first time. Welcome to this wonderful, beautiful, crazy world, Tristen. You give me the best reason of all to want to make it a better place.

Follow me on Twitter: @AeneasLane

Sunday, March 4, 2012

The Descendants

In The Descendants, George Clooney plays Matt King, a Honolulu lawyer whose wife Elizabeth lies in an irreversible coma as a result of a boating accident. As Matt struggles to carry out the terms of her living will, which stipulate that she be removed from life support, he must also cope with the reactions of his two daughters, ten and seventeen, a task his role as "backup parent" has ill-equipped him for. Additionally, as the head of the family trust, he must decide the fate of a huge tract of land worth half a billion dollars to developers.

And then he learns his wife had been having an affair.

A less mature or intelligent director than Alexander Payne (Election, Sideways), who also co-wrote the screenplay, might have treated Matt 's story as melodrama or farce, or perhaps tragedy, but The Descendants never defaults to cliché or stereotype.

For while Matt may be slightly pompous, with an over-developed work ethic, qualities which no doubt made him an unexciting husband, he is a decent man and a sense of responsibility is his bedrock virtue. Despite the pain and anger he feels in the face of Elizabeth's impending death and the discovery of her unfaithfulness, he nevertheless carries out her wishes, and shields those who would be hurt by the knowledge of her infidelity.

Matt also never wavers in facing up to the daunting challenges of coping with the behaviour of his daughters. And though he is not the most emotionally demonstrative of fathers, there is no doubt he loves them and will do anything for them. Pay close attention to the movie the three of them are watching in the final "ice-cream eating" scene.

The performances by Clooney as Matt and by Shailene Woodley as elder daughter Alexandra and Amara Miller as younger daughter Scottie are natural and moving. Just as memorable a character is Hawaii itself, for Matt King is descended from Hawaiian royalty and his sense of responsibility asserts itself powerfully in the decision he must make about his family's patrimony. Hawaii, its people, and its culture are treated with affection and respect, but not, most emphatically, as a tropical paradise.

And although this is a serious film, there are moments of comedy. Some of them arise from Matt's pomposity, but most of them are provided by Sid, Alexandra's boyfriend, a young slacker who has more to him than at first appears.

North American culture is adolescent and that is reflected in the shallow way men are generally depicted on screen. Whether as comic book superhero or cop/soldier who can kill without qualm, loutish man-child or inept parent, men's lives are viewed through the twin lenses of teenage male wish fulfillment and rebellion.

Matt King – husband, father, son of Hawaii – is portrayed, not as heroic, idiotic, or incompetent, but as a good man. The Descendants is that rarest of films: one that asks us to take a middle-aged man seriously.

Follow me on Twitter: @AeneasLane

Thursday, March 1, 2012

Points and Miles: March

I didn't post anything on points and miles for February. The middle month of a quarter generally doesn't have much new happening and I had just returned from Florida and was posting about that. But things are beginning to heat up as we head into spring, so here are some offers you can use if you have a March break coming up.

Aeroplan

Best Western Rewards: Best Western, Best Western Plus, Best Western Premier.

Club Carlson: Radisson, Country Inns & Suites, Park Inn, Park Plaza.

Hilton HHonors: Hilton, DoubleTree, Embassy Suites, Hilton Garden Inn, Hampton Inn, Homewood Suites.

Priority Club Rewards: Intercontinental, Crowne Plaza, Hotel Indigo, Holiday Inn, Holiday Inn Express, Staybridge Suites, Candlewood Suites.

Starwood Preferred Guest: Sheraton, Four Points, Westin, W, Le Meridien, Aloft, Element, St. Regis.

Tip: If you'll be staying several nights at an IHG property (Holiday Inn, etc.) on your vacation, you'll want to earn the double points for that. So make that first stay a one-nighter. If you're flying, book a "Stay and Park" package at an airport location. If you're driving, make Holiday Inn your choice for an overnight stop on the road south. The same strategy will work with the "Stay three times, get a free night" offer from Best Western, if your third stay is at a Best Western on your return drive north.

Follow me on Twitter: @AeneasLane