Let's Remember Who We Are

The first boatload of migrants was soon followed by others. They were fleeing hunger, oppression, and sectarian violence in their island homeland. Their religion, customs, and language were foreign, even repugnant, to many Canadians. Some among them had violently opposed the government in their native land. They carried disease.

I'm speaking, of course, of the Irish; but when thousands arrived at Québec in the late 1840's, Canadians took them in. The courage, generosity, and compassion required to do so became foundational in the Canadian national character.

Only ninety years later, to our everlasting shame, we forgot who were. When 907 Jews, fleeing Nazi persecution, approached our shores in the S.S. St. Louis, we turned them away. They were forced to return to Germany, where only a few would survive the war.

To our credit, we have done much better since. In 1956 we admitted 37,000 Hungarians fleeing Soviet repression. And when hundreds of thousands of Vietnamese took to the sea in leaky boats in the chaotic aftermath of war, Canadian families, church groups, and community organizations took in 60,000 of them.

Canada has one of the most generous refugee policies in the world. We should be proud of that. But it bothers some people. I'm not sure why the fear of being occasionally taken advantage of should be greater than the fear of being responsible for sending someone back to his or her native country to face persecution, imprisonment, or death.

Sri Lanka has just come through a twenty-six year long civil war. Atrocities and human rights abuses were committed on both sides. Canadians have been bombarded by wildly differing versions of who the good guys are and who the villains are. We are understandably confused.

I don't know if the Tamils are real refugees or not, part of a criminal or terrorist conspiracy or not, a danger to Canada or not. But there's a process in place to find out; let it work.

And it does work. When 600 Chinese economic migrants arrived on our shores in 1999 claiming refugee status, all but 24 were sent home.

Canada processed 34,000 refugee claims last year; that's nearly 700 per week. The arrival of 492 Tamils is not going to overwhelm the system.

So let's just tune out the overheated rhetoric coming from politicians who seem more anxious to take the spotlight off their own problems with the census, the police, and the veterans.

At a minimum, the Tamils deserve the benefit of the doubt and fair treatment under Canadian and international law.

But we can do better than that: we can treat these people with compassion. Let's remember who we are: let's act like Canadians.

Kurt Browning, My Hero

We've all done things we're not proud of. Things that make us cringe to recall them. Things our wives won't let us forget.

For me, a washing machine and cargo pants were involved. Twice. So were my cell phone and my passport. They should put warning labels on those things.

But Kurt Browning has shown he's in a different league from the rest of us mere mortals.

By now I'm sure you've heard how the former Canadian and world figure skating champion torched his Forest Hill home when he attempted to dry the seats of his Porsche convertible with a leaf blower. You read that right.

You want to laugh; I know you do. So go ahead.

Finished now? But before you consign Kurt to the ranks of this year's finalists for the Darwin Awards, and forever equate his name with klutz instead of lutz, consider for a minute the sheer manly awesomeness of what he attempted. No wimpy hairdryer for Kurt; he used a freakin' leaf blower!

Now, I have a leaf blower, an electric one, and I have to hold the trigger down, or it stops. A safety feature they call it, something dreamed up by women or lawyers, probably women lawyers. Did that stop Kurt? No siree!

And here we enter the realm of speculation, because, understandably, Kurt is reluctant to share the secrets of his seat-drying technique, but I'm betting he had to duct tape that trigger down. Woulda probably worked too, except (and you guys will relate to this) Kurt got distracted by some other things he had to do and left the leaf blower running and when he got back to check on how things were going, well, Porsche and garage were burning nicely.

Of course, and again I'm speculating here, it might have been a gas-powered leaf blower he was using. In which case I'd award him a 9.9 for awesomeness!

So while I suspect his wife is never again going to let him use the toaster unsupervised, and every man he meets for the rest of his life is going to slap his back and ask if his seat is dry, I also know that deep down we guys are going to harbour a sneaking admiration for Kurt Browning.

Because, in that Red Green, Possum Lodge world of the middle-aged male imagination, he is our Icarus.

Keep your picks on the ice, buddy.

Just Peachy

It's late August and that means the peaches are here. Lots of them. I love peaches, so I always buy a basket, and then... Then most of them grow moldy sitting on the kitchen counter.

But this week I offer a two-fer, two easy ways to use up a lot of peaches.

Start with a dessert recipe: Peach Sorbet. We've had this one in the form of a yellowed newspaper clipping taped into a recipe binder for over twenty years. We'd forgotten it was there until last week. Then we rediscovered it and made it for company. I say "we" because my wife is the sorbet maker at our house.

Peel and pit 10 medium-sized peaches. I find peaches easier to peel if you pour boiling water over them in a large bowl. After about a minute, drain off the hot water. Slice around the circumference of the peach and the skin should slide right off. Cut the peaches into slices.

Bring 2 cups of water, 2 cups of sugar, and 2 ounces of freshly-squeezed lemon juice to a boil in a large pot. Add the peaches. Reduce heat, and poach about 10 minutes, until the peaches are soft.

If you have a hand blender, purée the peaches right in the pot. Otherwise, remove the peaches to a blender or food processor and purée. Return the puréed peaches to the syrup in the pot and mix thoroughly.

Pour into a large shallow pan, cover with plastic wrap, and freeze for about 12 hours. You could also pour into molds, or ice cube trays. Makes about 10-12 servings. Leftovers keep well, covered, in the freezer for a week.

When ready to serve, let soften a little on the counter and scoop, scrape, or cut into cubes. A scoop of vanilla ice cream is optional.

I mentioned this was a two-fer. You can also make a great cocktail from this: the Peach Daiquiri. To a blender, add 2 ounces of white rum, 1 ounce of freshly-squeezed lime juice, and about 6, 1-inch cubes of the peach sorbet. Blend for about 10 seconds and pour into a Margarita glass.

I have a wicked good Peaches 'n' Cream Pie recipe too. If you're interested, I'll share it next week.

Census Nonsense

Who'da thought the country would get all worked up over the census? And in the middle of the summer, too.

Every five years, we have a national census. Most of us fill out a short form. About one in five of us is selected at random to complete a longer, more detailed version. The Harper government wants to make filling out the longer version voluntary. So what's the big deal?

Think of the country as a classroom. If you want to know whether or not the class understands, say the Pythagorean Theorem, you have to give the test to everybody. Just asking the keeners who put their hands up won't give you an accurate picture. Same for the census.

If you make filling out the longer version voluntary, the kind of people who'll do so won't form a representative sample of the country as a whole. In fact, they'll be a certain kind of person; same for those who won't (insert stereotypes here).

And the data you collect not only won't be reliable, it also won't be directly comparable to the data gathered from all the previous censuses. And did I mention all this voluntariness costs $30 million dollars more than doing it the usual way?

So why are the Tories doing this? Good question.

Forget all the nonsense about going to jail for refusing to fill out the long-form. No one ever has. And anyway, if the government wants to get rid of that provision in the legislation, they can; I'm sure no one would object. This is what's called "changing the channel" in political circles.

The Tories themselves have given an ideological reason: some people don't like giving information to the government. They haven't provided any data to back up this assertion and it sounds like they bought it ready-made off a Tea Party website. Anyway, they haven't said we won't have to tell the government how much money we made come tax time, or whether we've had anything to drink tonight when we get pulled over in a R.I.D.E. spot check, so that's just another red herring.

Many people suspect the real reason is, in fact, ideological though: the census reveals inconvenient truths that don't agree with the Tories' fantasy view of the world. Stockwell Day's recent musings about the need to build prisons for the perpetrators of unreported crimes provides a good example. Statistics show crime rates are falling, but if the Tories want to build prisons, that's embarrassing. Critics suspect the Tories would like to wish homelessness, poverty, inequality, and a host of other social issues away. It'll be easier if there's no census data available to contradict them.

Good public policy, not to mention sound business decisions, requires accurate information, not wishful thinking. That's why the Tories have encountered opposition over their action not just from provincial and municipal governments, but also from not-for-profits and businesses. It's a tough world out there; Canada can't afford to fight blindfolded with one hand tied behind its back. That's why this latest boneheaded move by the Harper Conservatives matters.

The Return of the Wetsuit

Seems the wetsuit was hanging right there in the closet all along. And this week it stepped out, loud and proud.

Undeterred by decades of falling crime rates ("Statistics: we don't need no stinking statistics"), Treasury Board Secretary Stockwell Day announced the deficit-strapped federal government was spending $9.5 billion -- that's with a "b" -- on new prisons for -- wait for it -- imaginary prisoners!

Seems he believes a lot of crimes go unreported (he's probably right, especially if stupidity in elected officials is a crime), but he declined to elaborate on how the theoretical criminals would be apprehended and convicted so they could be put in the brand, spanking new fantasy Club Feds.

Seems to me Stock could be on to something though. I mean, the original price tag for the G8/20 summit ballooned from $179 million to $1.2 billion (there's that "b" word again), and what happened? The hooligans were given free rein to burn police cars while the police arrested hundreds of innocent people and then released them without charge.

So if the Conservatives are looking for ways to waste a few more billions of our tax dollars, I have some helpful suggestions.

1. Not just crime is down: so are auto sales. So let's build roads! We could call them Harper Highways: they'd have only right lanes, all their bridges would be burned, and every one would be a dead-end.

2. Communism may be dead, but there's still Cuba and North Korea and that pesky Al Qaeda to worry about. We could blow $16 billion (I know) on new fighter jets. That ought to deter them. What? We're already doing that? Damn, you can't even make this stuff up.

3. OK, I got a good one: how about we gut next year's census so the information is totally worthless, and -- this is the best part -- it will actually cost $30 million more! You're kidding. This is harder than I thought.

4. I know, we'll build an artificial lake, see, and... Oh, for cryin' out loud!

5. All right then, how about this: a national program to detect and treat scurvy. You know, that scourge of all true Canadians; it's right there in the history books. You can look it up. A few billion ought to suffice to establish a national network of treatment centres to feed patients a diet rich in Alberta beef. Unnecessary? Won't work, you say? Obviously you're not a Conservative. Medical science (and all other science) be damned; trust your gut. Stephen Harper told us to.

I'm sure you have ideas of your own. Write or email the P.M. or your M.P. Tell them you'd like to get in on the fun.

The Mint Julep

After a few weeks diversion, it's back to summer cocktails. While summer may be half over, the back yard still beckons and there's still plenty of time to relax with one of summer's most enjoyable cocktails.

The Mint Julep, admittedly, is not for everyone. The popularity of brown liquors in cocktails has waned in the last few decades, and bourbon is not widely appreciated in Canada. That's a pity, because if you're willing to give it a try, the Mint Julep offers some mighty fine contemplative sipping for a lazy, late summer afternoon.

Bourbon is an American whiskey (they spell it with an "e" following Irish tradition; Canadians follow the Scotch spelling, without) made primarily from corn, and usually in Kentucky. It must be aged in charred oak barrels for a minimum of two years, though most are aged longer. It is at least 40% alcohol by volume (80 proof), though some varieties are stronger. Bourbon has aromas and flavours of toffee, dried fruit, and vanilla, among others. Those who enjoy it "neat", or straight, add a splash of water to allow the flavours to open up. Some prefer a few ice chips instead. Some decry this as heresy.

Jim Beam is one brand you can always find in Ontario, and if you want to try the Mint Julep, but not sure you'll ever drink the rest of the bottle, miniatures are sometimes available. Or use it in cooking: it's a great ingredient in barbeque sauce.

Maker's Mark is a premium brand, but very expensive in Ontario compared to its price in the U.S. If you're traveling south of the border and want to bring a Bourbon home to try, Maker's Mark is a good choice.

My personal favourite is Wild Turkey 101. Rarely available in Ontario (though "regular" 80 proof Wild Turkey sometimes is), it's one of the reasons I look forward to a trip to the U.S. High in alcohol and almost viscous, it is intensely flavourful. Add a little ice and those flavours slowly unfold. A fine sippin' whiskey.

In the days before refrigeration, Southerners added mint to their Bourbon to provide a cooling sensation in the summer and violà, the Mint Julep was born. It retains a strong association with the American South: for example, it is the traditional drink sipped at the Kentucky Derby. About 120,000 are downed each year.

As with most cocktails, there is debate over the "proper" way to prepare them, so what you're getting is my version. Feel free to alter the recipe to suit yourself.

Muddle three or four mint leaves in the bottom of a Collin glass with 1/2 ounce of simple syrup. Add 2 ounces of Bourbon and fill with crushed or shaved ice. Stir well, garnish with a mint leaf, and sip through a straw. Hum a few verses of My Old Kentucky Home.