Action Plan

My doorbell rang the other day.

There was a slightly pudgy middle aged man on my porch. "I'm here to put up your sign," he said. A short, dumpy-looking woman next to him nodded.

"What sign?" I asked.

"Why, your Economic Action Plan sign, of course." He pushed his glasses up on his nose. "Sorry," he said, "they're new." The short woman nodded some more.

"Why do I need an Economic Action Plan sign?"

"We're putting them everywhere. Beside roads, on trees, in windows, on uninhabited islands. It's just your lawn's turn, that's all. It is Canada's Economic Action Plan after all. Your lawn is a part of Canada, isn't it?"

I assured him my lawn was not a socialist-separatist lawn, but I was doubtful that it had been getting any action.

The short woman handed him a blue cardigan. He put it on and began to explain patiently how Canada's Economic Action Plan worked. "So far we've installed 143,849,594 signs. That's created jobs for a lot of sign makers. And then there are all those working at newspapers and radio and TV stations, not to mention the advertising agencies. Yes, my friend, Canada's Economic Action Plan has put thousands of Canadians back to work." The dumpy little woman was nodding vigorously.

I began to feel patriotic. But while he was here, I thought I'd ask him a few questions. "I thought you were a big fan of law and order. How come you're at odds with the police over the long gun registry?"

"As soon as all the police chiefs have had French language training, I'm sure they'll see things our way."

I was impressed by his logic.

"Well, then, how about scrapping the mandatory long-form census? Won't that cost more and give us worthless information?"

"We already know everything we need to know." The nodding was now non-stop.

I had to admit, his argument was bulletproof.

"Right then, where do you want that sign?"

I told him where to put it.