It's Their Nature

If you're like me, you too may be puzzled by the Conservatives' latest attack on ordinary Canadians. I'm referring of course to their intention to make us wait until we're 67 to receive Old Age Security.

As we get older, our brains shrink, we spend our evenings watching Law and Order, and we vote Conservative. So there hardly seems to be a lot of electoral upside in compelling millions of wrinklies to labour deeper into their dotage.

But it's unlikely that the Cons would actually alienate many members of their base. Any changes will probably be phased in over a number of years so as to leave anyone currently over 55 unscathed. And raising the OAS eligibility age will hurt mainly poorer Canadians, who tend not to vote Conservative, or vote at all, for that matter.

On the other hand, Human Resources Minister Diane Finley has made a bizarre attempt to frame the move as intended to help younger Canadians: apparently working longer is supposed to make them more self-reliant. Presuming they can ever get jobs that is, what with the fogies hanging in there 'til nearly all their allotted three score and ten is exhausted.

The Cons have had success with wedge issues before, and perhaps they hope to whip up some intergenerational hostility, but punishing younger voters seems like a risky strategy if they want to attract their support.

According to Parliamentary Budget Officer Kevin Page, OAS is affordable as is. And as most economists have pointed out, a few years after any changes were to come into effect, Boomers will start dropping off the twig at such a rate that the cost of providing OAS will begin to decline anyway.

Aesop told a fable about a scorpion who convinced a frog to carry him across a river by promising not to sting the frog, pointing out that if he did, both of them would perish. Halfway across, the scorpion stung the frog anyway. Before they both died, the frog asked the scorpion why he had done such a foolhardy thing. The scorpion replied, "It's my nature."

So if there aren't any votes in it, it hurts both young and old, and it's unnecessary to boot, why are the Conservatives considering such a capricious, mean-spirited, and wrong-headed move? I guess it's just their nature.

Follow me on Twitter: @AeneasLane

In Praise of Family Day

Here in Ontario, as in most other Canadian provinces, we've just celebrated the Family Day long weekend.

Held on the third Monday in February, the holiday originated in Alberta about twenty years ago and goes by different names in some provinces. It's a provincial holiday, meaning that federally-regulated employees (such as postal workers) do not enjoy the day off.

Canadians, slogging through the wearying weeks of winter, have long called for a February holiday, and a day to mark the adoption of our national flag on February 15, seems appropriate, but successive federal governments have failed to act. Instead, the provinces, in piecemeal fashion, have stepped in.

Ontario adopted the holiday in 2008 and it's been a hit from the outset. Some employers have complained about having to provide workers with the day off, but others, such as restaurants, movie theatres, hotels, and ski resorts, have seen a boom in business.

Our own extended family gets together at a restaurant for a long, leisurely lunch, and that, I think is the secret to Family Day's success: time off with no demands.

We're all too familiar with the unrealistic expectations and financial burdens of Christmas. The proscribed jollity and next-day aching head of New Year's. The demands of preparing a huge meal and hosting a crowd on Thanksgiving. The back-to-school anxiety of Labour Day (or the performance anxiety of Valentine's Day). The fact that Hallowe'en has become a decorating season.

Even Victoria Day, the May 2-4 weekend which marks the start of summer in these parts, can't be properly enjoyed until the cottage is opened or all the yard work is done. Only Canada Day, which comes with no greater demands than that one show a little patriotism and watch some fireworks, comes close to the freedom offered by Family Day.

Because it sprang upon us suddenly with no preconceived expectations, Family Day is the one holiday truly worthy of the name. You don't have to buy anything or do anything in particular. So let's keep it that way.

I worry that the forces of commerce will get hold of Family Day and turn into something tawdry. That next year, Wal-Mart will have piles of plastic merchandise made in China that I'll be expected to purchase for Family Day "gifting".

Don't let it happen, friends. Keep Family Day pure and simple. Spend it with your family or avoid them entirely; I don't care. But spend nothing but time off. And spend it wisely.

Follow me on Twitter: @AeneasLane

Ask Mr. 500 Words

Faithful Blog Reader: Gee, Mr. 500 Words, there sure seems to be a lot of news coming from our government these days, and some of it's got me real confused. Can you help?

Mr. 500 Words: Specify the parameters of your mystification.

FBR: Well, for starters, there's Public Safety Minister Vic Toews. He's been pretty busy the past week and he has me a little worried. He says if we object to Conservative plans to let police snoop on our computers we're on the side of child pornographers, but then he kills off the long gun registry because he says it invades the privacy of law-abiding gun owners. Oh, and he says he's in favour of torture, too.

Mr. 500 Words: First, despite what various ex-wives and mistresses may think, I say Vic is a swell guy and damn good looking, too (I also want to say, in case you're listening, that Mr. 500 Words has a very low pain threshold). See, what you have to understand is that guns don't kill people, computers do. To sum up: rubber fetish, bad; gun fetish, good. Next question.

FBR: Well, then, what about Stephen Harper and Natural Resources Minister Joe Oliver saying environmentalists who oppose the tar sands pipeline through the Rockies are controlled by "foreign special interests"? Aren't most of the oil companies in the tar sands foreign? Isn't the oil going to China, which is a foreign country?

Mr. 500 Words: Environmentalists aren't Conservatives and are therefore child pornographers. You can ask Vic Toews.

FBR: Um, yeah. So, what's with all this talk coming from Harper and Finance Minister Jim Flaherty about making folks wait for their Old Age Pensions until they're 67. That's got me worried.

Mr. 500 Words: You can stop worrying: Stephen Harper and Jim Flaherty will get gold-plated MP pensions worth hundreds of thousands a year as soon as they leave politics and start flying to board meetings in corporate jets. And they'll still probably be only in their 50's.

FBR: That's not what I meant. What about ordinary Canadians? Say the person who loses his job when he's 62 or whose health means he has to stop working before he's 67.

Mr. 500 Words: 60% of these people didn't vote Conservative. So he's probably a child pornographer.

FBR: Well, thanks, Mr. 500 Words. I think.

Mr. 500 Words: No need to thank me. It's what I do.

Follow me on Twitter: @AeneasLane

Fort Lauderdale

After five nights in Key West, we pointed our Mustang convertible northeast toward the mainland, leaving hordes of weeping bartenders in our wake, and headed to Fort Lauderdale.

We'd rented the Mustang from Thrifty upon arrival at the Fort Lauderdale airport, but indirectly, through a site called AutoSlash. Tell AutoSlash where and when you want to rent and it provides rates for various kinds of vehicles from a variety of companies. Make your choice, and AutoSlash makes the reservation for you and emails you confirmation and tracking numbers. But what sets AutoSlash apart is that it continues to seek discounts and coupons to apply to your rate and will rebook your reservation if it finds a lower rate.

In our case, the original rate was US$273 a week, all in. Within a few hours, AutoSlash had rebooked us at US$253. The next morning, we received a third email saying we were rebooked again at US$233. I was a little dubious, but everything worked out fine, and I would use AutoSlash again. Just be aware, that, as at many rental car counters, the rep will try to upsell you insurance coverage you already have with your own insurance policy and/or credit card.

We did purchase the full tank option so we wouldn't have to hunt for a gas station near the airport when we returned the car, and paid an additional $10 a day so Mrs. 500 Words could drive the car. She loved it: it brought out her inner Thelma (or Louise).

Fort Lauderdale is "where the boys are", the original home of spring break. Also known as the "Venice of America", it is built on land reclaimed from the Everglades in the early 20^th century and is crisscrossed with canals. It claims to be the yachting capital of the world, and yachting repair and servicing actually contributes more to the local economy than does tourism.

Certainly we saw thousands of yachts on a trip on the local water taxi and on a short cruise along the New River. Belonging to the .01% in the sports and entertainment industries, and the plutocracy of corporate America, a common sight was a $90 million yacht moored in front of a $50 million house. There were literally hundreds of billions on ostentatious display. Mind boggling.

The Water Taxi costs $20 for an all-day adult pass and is well worth it. It stops at many of the major hotels and shopping and dining areas. The crews also provide an entertaining description of local history and celebrity lore.

Las Olas Boulevard is the main shopping and dining street. Unfortunately, a banged-up foot limited my mobility and we didn't get the chance to check it out. Same for the white sand beach with the promenade. But lounging by the infinity edge pool of our beachfront hotel wasn't a bad way to console myself.

After three nights, we headed back to February in Ontario. But Fort Lauderdale and area is a place I'd like to go back to.

Follow me on Twitter: @AeneasLane

Valentine’s Cocktails

Light some candles, put on some music, and shake up a little romance. Here are a couple of cocktails, specially for Valentine's Day.

The Valentine is a beautiful, deep garnet colour. It has a pleasing sweet/tart balance. The pomegranate juice it contains is loaded with antioxidants which may help lower both bad cholesterol and blood pressure. What better drink for Valentine's Day?

• 1½ oz. gin
  
• 1 oz. pomegranate juice
  
• 1 oz. grenadine
  
• ½ oz. lemon juice
  
• Ice
  

Combine all ingredients in a cocktail shaker. Shake sharply for 30 seconds. Strain into a martini glass.

The Sweetheart makes an ideal dessert, or is simply for those who like sweet or creamy cocktails. Chocolate and raspberry are perfect partners.

• 1 oz. chocolate-flavoured liqueur (Bailey's, for example)
  
• 1 oz. raspberry liqueur (Southbrook Framboise or Chambord)
  
• 1 oz. vodka, preferably from the freezer
  
• Ice
  

Combine all ingredients in a cocktail shaker. Shake sharply for 30 seconds. Strain into a martini glass.

To all lovers, Happy Valentine's Day.

Follow me on Twitter: @AeneasLane

Key West

You can fly to Key West – all the major U.S. carriers serve the island – but I suggest you do what we’ve done both times we’ve been there: fly into Miami or Fort Lauderdale, rent a convertible, and drive there.

It’s about 250 km. from Miami, three or four hours along US 1, crossing 42 bridges, the longest being over 10 km. long. The Atlantic Ocean on your left, the Gulf of Mexico on your right, it’s one of the great drives. Stop at the Islamorada Fish Company in (where else?) Islamorada, about half-way. Walk across the white sand, look out at the blue waters of the Gulf, try the conch fritters.

Conch is a marine mollusc (that’s a polite way of saying water snail). White, firm, and flavourful, it’s turned into chowder, salad, fritters, and sandwiches by the locals. You have to try it.

In fact, Key West calls itself the Conch Republic. In 1982, in response to a U.S. Customs closure of US 1 (they were searching for drugs, among other contraband that was widely smuggled into the U.S. via the Keys at the time), Key West declared its independence, promptly surrendered, and asked for foreign aid. They didn’t get the foreign aid, but the resulting publicly got the blockade lifted, and Key West’s motto remains: “We seceded where others failed”. It’s emblematic of the pirate spirit that animates the place.

Harry Truman made Key West the location of the little White House and writers such as Ernest Hemingway and Tennessee Williams have lived and written here.

Trolley and train tours (actually a bus and tractor-pulled cars) do a good job of explaining local history, and there are attractions ranging from an aquarium to a butterfly conservatory to a museum describing the recovery of sunken Spanish treasure in the local waters. You can also take a trip out to snorkel on the nearby reefs or watch the sunset.

Watching the sunset from Mallory Square is a daily ritual and the square attracts not only hundreds of visitors, but also dozens of hawkers and buskers. It’s a must do.

Duval Street is the main street where you’ll find most of the bars, restaurants, and shopping. You can read about some of those in my previous post.

Key West is only about 3 km. by 6 km. Given its small size and idyllic winter weather (daytime highs in the mid-20's), it's popular, and thus expensive. Hotels tend to start at US$300 per day, but you may find lower rates at one of the many B&B's. The weather is hot and humid in the summer and hurricane season lasts into November, but rates are lower then.

There are many good places to eat, especially if you enjoy fresh seafood or Cuban, and plenty of bars. Beer is reasonably priced, but cocktails, at US$10-12 are big-city priced.

Public transit really isn't an option for visitors, but taxis are plentiful, and the drivers are friendly and knowledgeable. The hotels that aren't right downtown offer free shuttles.

Change your latitude; change your attitude. Key West embodies that laid-back Jimmy Buffet spirit. Don't pack dinner clothes; you won't need them. You're always over-dressed in Key West.

Follow me on Twitter: @AeneasLane

Sipping in the Sunshine State

Just back from a week in Florida, split between Key West and Fort Lauderdale. More on those two towns in upcoming posts, but I promised a special drinks post a while back and here it is.

Key West is a slightly less crazy version of New Orleans. Old Town is its French Quarter and Duval its Bourbon Street. Most of the shopping, bars, and restaurants are here, though some gems are tucked away elsewhere.

Camille's (1202 Simonton) serves breakfast, lunch, and dinner and the menu changes daily. The food is terrific and so are the drinks. "Denise's Medication", named for the owner, is a vodka martini with three olives that delivers fast-acting relief. The designated drinker (a.k.a. Mrs. 500 Words) assures me the Lemon Drop martini is also top-notch.

We stopped at Jimmy Buffet's Original Margaritaville (500 Duval) for some souvenirs. We had tried the Margaritas here when we were in Key West five years ago. Made with a commercial sour mix, they were disappointing.

Instead, go across the street to Willie T's (525 Duval), which has more than 30 kinds of Mojitos on the menu. The food is better than you'd expect.

A great place to catch the daily sunset celebration at Mallory Square is from Sunset Pier at the foot of Duval Street. Service is spotty, though. Best go up to the bar to order drinks or food. Begin the evening here and you can say you started your crawl at 1 Duval.

Another terrific spot for sunset viewing is the rooftop bar of the Crowne Plaza La Concha Hotel (430 Duval), Key West's tallest building. Get your drinks from the bar inside before going outside to the patio, which is undergoing some sprucing up. Enter through the Starbucks at street level and take the elevator to the roof. Get there early if you want a seat.

The Rum Barrel (528 Front at Simonton) proved irresistible to the designated drinker. A confirmed rum fanatic, it took her quite a while to decide from among the more than 180 rums on offer (alas, none from Cuba). Good selection of micro beers too. Try the Capn' Kidd's Crock, a shrimp, crab, and spinach dip served with tortilla chips. Good service.

We were slowing down a bit by the time we hit Fort Lauderdale. Riding the water taxi along its entire route to stop 1, we had lunch at Shooters on the Intracoastal Waterway. The food was OK, but I suspect there was a problem with their draft lines, as both beers I sampled had the same musty odour and taste. I didn't finish them. Service was slow too.

The real highlight of our trip came on the final night when we stopped for a drink in the Wreck Bar at the Sheraton Fort Lauderdale Beach Hotel. This is the former Yankee Clipper Hotel, an iconic 1950's era Fort Lauderdale landmark built in the shape of an ocean liner. The bar itself is constructed to resemble the hold of a wooden sailing ship, and windows behind the bar offer a view into the deep end of the hotel pool. They still have an underwater "mermaid" swim show Friday night. A scene from the Robert De Niro/Billy Crystal movie Analyze This was filmed here, and Tim Dorsey sets a scene from his novel Nuclear Jellyfish here as well. Pure nostalgia.

Look for more on Key West and Fort Lauderdale in the next few days.

Follow me on Twitter: @AeneasLane