Show Bev Oda Some Love

Living in Port Perry, I have the great good fortune to be a constituent of International Development Minister Bev Oda.

In case you've never had the pleasure of meeting Bev, let me assure you she's of a sunny disposition, a real salt of the earth, "raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens" kinda gal. In other words, just like us little folk.

So I was as surprised as anyone at these reports of her turning her nose up at the lowly 5-star hotel where her conference was being held, opting instead for the Savoy, favoured haunt of royalty and owned by a Saudi prince. Apparently, we were still on the hook for $287 for one night at the original hotel, as well as the three nights at the Savoy (at $685 a night) and nearly $3,000 for a limo to drive her back and forth for 3 days.

Like you, I figured this must be all some kind of misunderstanding. Perhaps her original room wasn't ready, or they lost her reservation. Maybe every taxi in London was in for service those three days. You know, the kind of thing we've all encountered while on holiday, the kind of thing that can really blow a hole in the old budget.

Speaking of budgets, we've just seen Stephen Harper's and we know austerity is the watchword of his government: old folks forced to wait 'til 67 to get a pension, food inspectors and border guards being fired, aid to the world's poorest people being slashed.

So I just knew that Bev wouldn't have wasted a nickel of our money; that would be just plain wrong. There had to be some reasonable explanation.

And then it hit me: Bev hasn't been reading my blog.

I can't really blame her. She's a busy person. She has a lot on her plate. Conferences to attend. Expense claims to fill out. And those $380 million in cuts at the Canadian International Development Agency that were in the budget? Well, they aren't gonna cut themselves.

But here's the thing: if Bev had been reading my blog on the first Thursday of each month, she would have known all about where to get the best deals on airfares, hotels, and car rentals. And how to maximize loyalty points and miles.

So whadya say, faithful blog readers, should we help Bev out?

If you'd like to show Bev some love, just copy this link to my latest post on points and miles: http://giveme5hundredwords.blogspot.ca/2012/01/points-and-miles-january.html and email it to Bev at: Oda.B@parl.gc.ca

You'll be doing us all a favour.

Follow me on Twitter: @AeneasLane

Plans for the Pen

The federal government announced yesterday that it was closing the 177-year old Kingston Penitentiary. Dating to 1835, the limestone fortress on the shores of Lake Ontario harkens back to the days of stone cells, the rule of silence, and the lash. And if the government wants to splash out billons on new prisons, closing the Kingston Pen is probably one of the better reasons for doing so.

But the Pen is also a major employer in the eastern Ontario city, and with Stephen Harper's government threatening to slash 20,000 workers from its payroll, prison staff are understandably anxious about their futures. However, Public Safety Minister Vic Toews has promised there will be no job cuts, and if you can't believe Vic Toews, well who can you believe?

Still, 500 Words was curious, so I reached out to my sources deep inside the government who spoke on condition of anonymity and here are some of the future uses being considered by the Conservatives for Kingston's "little castle", situated on a scenic four hectares, a stone's throw from downtown.

The Tony Clement Palace of Porcelain. With the addition of a $500 million gazebo-like entrance, the old jail will be transformed into the world's largest (pay) toilet. And thanks to the new "streamlined" environmental approval process, the Peter Kent Big Poop Chute will carry the raw sewage straight to Lake Ontario. Bring the kiddies to see the seagulls flock right after lunch! Destined to become a top attraction.

The Jim Flaherty (Work)Home for the Aged. Concerned that you be won't be able to make ends meet while you wait until 67 to get your Old Age Security? You can stop worrying elderly Canadians! Choose from one of our luxurious NDP or Liberal suites. Rates will be reasonable. And the best part? The government won't have to spend a dime updating or renovating: the Pen is in move-in condition.

The Peter MacKay Four Seasons Vacation Resort. Boasting spectacular views of Lake Ontario, this upscale property offers the ultimate in luxurious relaxation for the busy cabinet minister looking to escape the challenges of basic arithmetic. And with CFB Kingston just across the water, you'll have VIP transportation at your fingertips 24/7.

Other uses under consideration include the Bev Oda Museum of Calligraphy ("not" to be missed), and the Lisa Raitt School of (Hard) Labour Relations (union leaders will find themselves comfortably "accommodated" under the watchful eyes of Queen's University MBA students).

But my sources confide that the Pen will likely be sold. Wal-Mart and Tim Horton's are said to be interested.

Follow me on Twitter: @AeneasLane

Points and Miles: April

I held off publishing the monthly points and miles post last week because, with the first quarter just ended and Easter weekend approaching, most of the major chains and airlines had yet to announce their second quarter promotions.

While that's still partly true, here are the best offers to surface so far. I've listed the name of the hotel chain, its loyalty program and principal brands, followed by the current bonus offers. Click on the name of the loyalty program to sign up if you're not already a member, and click on the links to register for the offers.

Best Western Best Western Rewards:

• Stay three separate times before June 3, and get a $50 Best Western gift card. Aeroplan members also earn 4X Aeroplan miles. Register here.
  

Choice Hotels Choice Privileges: Comfort Inn, Quality, EconoLodge, Clarion, Rodeway.

• Until May 8, earn enough points with two stays for a free night at any of more than 1,500 hotels in the Choice chain. If you're not a Choice Privileges member, you can join at the same time you register for the promotion.
  

Hilton, Hilton HHonors: Hilton, DoubleTree, Embassy Suites, Hilton Garden Inn, Hampton Inn, Homewood Suites.

• Register to earn double points or double miles for stays before June 30.
  

Intercontinental Hotels Group, Priority Club Rewards: Intercontinental, Crowne Plaza, Hotel Indigo, Holiday Inn, Holiday Inn Express, Staybridge Suites, Candlewood Suites.

• Buy or give Priority Club Rewards points by April 30 and receive up to 50% bonus points. Canadian residents must pay HST on purchases. See this post by The Loyalty Traveler for where the "sweet spots" are for getting the best value.
  

Petro-Canada Petro-Points

• You can donate your Petro-Points to the Canadian Cancer Society to help fight cancer.
  

VIA Rail VIA Préférence

• Seat Sale until April 17. 50% off economy class. Good for travel until August 29.

Follow me on Twitter: @AeneasLane

Go West, Old Man

Hey there. Yeah, you. Angry old white guy.

Had it up to here with Premier Dad?

Tired of paying a hundred bucks just to put gas in yer SUV?

Sick of supporting a losing hockey team?

Looking for a place you can be free to fondle your firearms in peace?

We feel your pain.

We're Citizens for a Conservative-Free Ontario, and we can help.

We're offering tax-free (the best kind, am I right?) grants of up to $1,000* to those willing to move to Alberta and promise never to return.

Alberta, where they have not one, but two right-wing parties. Where there's no provincial sales tax. Where Earth Hour is only 30 minutes long. Where petroleum literally oozes out of the ground.

OK, so maybe they don't play hockey in April there either, but at least they don't have to stay up as late to watch the Vancouver games.

Does it get any better?

What's in for us you might wonder? Just cleaner air, cheaper gas, more jobs, better government, and fewer women's shelters. Whatcha call a "win-win".

Whadya say, big guy, can I sign ya up?

*Terms and conditions apply. Valid only on April 1.

Follow me on Twitter: @AeneasLane