Hey there. Yeah, you. Angry old white guy.
Had it up to here with Premier Dad?
Tired of paying a hundred bucks just to put gas in yer SUV?
Sick of supporting a losing hockey team?
Looking for a place you can be free to fondle your firearms in peace?
We feel your pain.
We're Citizens for a Conservative-Free Ontario, and we can help.
We're offering tax-free (the best kind, am I right?) grants of up to $1,000* to those willing to move to Alberta and promise never to return.
Alberta, where they have not one, but two right-wing parties. Where there's no provincial sales tax. Where Earth Hour is only 30 minutes long. Where petroleum literally oozes out of the ground.
OK, so maybe they don't play hockey in April there either, but at least they don't have to stay up as late to watch the Vancouver games.
Does it get any better?
What's in for us you might wonder? Just cleaner air, cheaper gas, more jobs, better government, and fewer women's shelters. Whatcha call a "win-win".
Whadya say, big guy, can I sign ya up?
*Terms and conditions apply. Valid only on April 1.
Follow me on Twitter: @AeneasLane
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