How Conservative Are You?

Newsflash: turns out that a lot of people who thought they were Conservative really aren't that conservative.

That's one way to look at the reports that many Conservatives who have tried the CBC's Vote Compass have found they actually prefer Liberal or NDP policies.

There have, of course, been cries that the Vote Compass, prepared by a non-partisan group in the Social Sciences Department at the University of Toronto, is a commie CBC plot to pollute the hermetically sealed hearts and minds of the true blue.

I suspect it's more a case that some people with not-entirely-conservative views were persuaded by Conservative attack ads that depicted Michael Ignatieff as the anti-Christ.

Anyway, 500 Words was way ahead of the CBC and the U of T on this one.

Way back last October, we told you how to tell if you were turning into a Conservative.

Then, about six weeks later, we responded to readers who wondered if they were showing symptoms of creeping Conservatism.

And most recently, we explained how to be sure you're not a Conservative.

But with the election on, it seems the Vote Compass has revealed there's still a need for our, ahem, direction, so here are some more ways to tell whether or not you're a Conservative:

• If Jack and Gilles were your friends in 2004, but you don't want Iggy to play with them in 2011, you might be a Conservative.
  
• If you have friends who are crooks and liars, you might be a Conservative.
  
• If you do security checks on all your houseguests' Facebook friends, you might be a Conservative.
  
• If you believe that R.C.M.P. stands for 'R Conservative Meeting Police, you might be a Conservative.
  
• If you think that elections are fine for Arabs, but unnecessary for Canadians, you might be a Conservative.
  
• If your edition of Trivial Pursuit has only five questions, you might be a Conservative.
  
• If your shoulders ache from shrugging, you might be a Conservative.
  
• If all of your promises begin, "Maybe someday…", you might be a Conservative.
  
• If you have a license to drive, fly, hunt, fish, trap, and serve alcohol at your stag; and for your car, plane, boat, dog, software, ham radio, and marriage; but there's no way you're getting one for your gun, you might be a Conservative.
  
• If your vision for the future of Canada is more of the same, only worse, you might be a Conservative.
  

Go ahead; take the test. The country you save may be your own.