Regina

Mrs. 500 Words and I are just back from a long weekend in Regina, Saskatchewan, attending the wedding of my cousin's son. We had a great time with a bunch of lovely people. But it was our first time in Regina – our first time west of Winnipeg in Canada, in fact – and I thought I'd share some of my impressions with you.

Yep, it's flat. Big sky flat. Rolling along a gravel highway toward a stop sign five kilometres ahead flat. Which you can see. Because the road is dead straight. If you come from the rolling countryside north of Toronto like I do, it takes a little getting used to. From the air, we could see fields of wheat and canola, dotted with sloughs, which are small ponds. And I was told all the trees we saw were planted, too.

And the main roads are wide. And full of pickup trucks and double-long transport trailers, which are pretty rare here in Ontario.

We drove out of Regina south to Rouleau, a small town about 40 kilometres away to see the place where the TV comedy Corner Gas was filmed. We toured the site of the Ruby Café and Brent's gas station, which now houses a gift shop, and I bought a coffee mug. And we drove around the town of about 450 and took a picture of Emma and Oscar's house.

Our last day in town, we visited the RCMP Depot Division, the force's cadet training facility and museum. We toured the museum, which is modern and has room to grow, attended the Sergeant Major's parade, and viewed a film on the 24-week training program completed by cadets. And my wife bought a Mountie T-shirt for our grandson to go with the Saskatchewan Roughriders hat I'd bought him our first day in town.

All in all, we had a great three days in Regina.

 

 

 

Duffy—gate (With Apologies)

It's time to abolish the Senate.

Until now, most Canadians would have been hard-pressed to even name one senator. But over the last several months, the names of Conservative senators Mike Duffy, Pamela Wallin, Patrick Brazeau, and Liberal Mac Harb have become all too familiar to Canadians.

Duffy of course has taken centre stage. A long-time journalist with both the CBC and CTV networks, he was named to the Senate in December 2008 by Stephen Harper. Since then, Duffy has tirelessly performed his senatorial duties: campaigning for the Conservative Party while claiming to be too dumb to fill out housing allowance expense forms correctly.

And it was while he was being investigated for that that he's rumoured to have been tipped off and repaid over $90,000. And then we find out that this was a personal "gift" that came from Prime Minister Stephen Harper's chief of staff. And then we find out that Duffy claimed Senate expenses for business in Ottawa on days he was campaigning for fellow Conservatives across the county. Clearly he had to go. And he did, leaving the Conservative caucus on May 16.

Pamela Wallin, another former CBC and CTV journalist who was appointed to the Senate just days after Duffy in January 2009, has also been under investigation for claims of travel expenses. Over a two year period, she charged the Canadian people over $320,000 for "other" travel expenses, in addition to travel to her home province of Saskatchewan. She too resigned from the Conservative Party caucus one day after Duffy, via a news release.

Then two days later, on Sunday morning of the Victoria Day long weekend, Harper's chief of staff, Nigel Wright, resigned. This was the right thing to do, given what he'd done, but it leaves a lot of questions unanswered. For example, does Duffy have money problems? He makes over $132,000 a year as a senator, not to mention his various pensions, yet owes a $360,000 mortgage on his Ottawa home. And surely Stephen Harper must have approved the payment to Duffy.

Then there's Patrick Brazeau, before the courts on sexual and other assault charges and out of the Conservative caucus as well and refusing to repay his housing expenses, claiming as his permanent residence his father's home in Quebec. His neighbours claim to have never seen him there. Or Liberal Mac Harb, promising to fight the Senate committee's findings that he, too, improperly claimed living expenses.

On Tuesday morning Stephen Harper will speak to his caucus: MP's and Senators alike, and presumably lay down the ethics law to them (ahem). And then he flies off to South America for the rest of the week. MP's from other parties are going to keep asking the tough questions about what he knew and calling for investigations. Me, I'm with the NDP: abolish the Senate. We have enough politicians already.

Pittsburgh

Mrs. 500 Words and I are just back from a visit to Pittsburgh. It was our first trip there and we had a great time.

We arrived around 5:30 on a Monday afternoon, expecting to be caught up in rush hour traffic, but no: we drove directly to our hotel, the Residence Inn by Marriott, on the North Shore, directly across from the home plate entrance to PNC Ballpark.

And we noticed the same thing all week: traffic was very light and drivers were courteous. The only time we heard a horn was when a taxi driver tooted his to thank another driver for allowing him to make a U-turn. Several times drivers stopped to let us cross the street.

We parked our car in the hotel's lot and left it there for four days. The rest of the time we walked or took public transit. One time we took the hotel shuttle. Travel on Pittsburgh's subway system is free for the six stops in the downtown area and the near North Shore and we hopped on and off frequently. It was never crowded.

One of the sites we did have to pay for was one stop further south, the Monongahela Inclined Railway, which for nearly 200 metres climbs over 35 degrees and 113 metres up the side of Mount Washington. The views of the downtown and north over the three rivers are spectacular. It is operated by the Port Authority of Allegheny County, which runs the city's transit system.

Which brings me to Pittsburgh's nickname, Three Rivers: the Allegany, the Monongahela, and the Ohio Rivers all come together here. Pittsburgh claims to have more bridges than Venice.

Across the street from the base of the inclined railroad is Station Square, a retail and dining area anchored to a Sheraton hotel. We had lunch in the Gandy Dancer bar and saloon and toured the larger, attached Grand Concourse seafood restaurant. This is the restored Pittsburgh and Lake Erie Railroad terminal building, opened in 1901. It features a breathtaking stain glass cathedral ceiling. We intended to go back later for dinner, but ran out of time.

We also toured the Andy Warhol Museum, which has seven floors full of his work including an entire floor of archival material, and the Carnegie Science Center where we took in the planetarium and an IMAX show on the Hubble Space Telescope.

And we had great seats at PNC Park to watch the Pirates defeat the St. Louis Cardinals 5-0 on a gorgeous evening. PNC Park has to be the most beautiful ballpark in the majors and everyone we met treated us royally. We even had the "golden tickets", which entitled us to a pair of T-shirts.

The weather was great and the staff at the hotel courteous. And at a second hotel, the Holiday Inn Express in Meadville, where we stayed on our way home, after some outlet shopping in Grove City, PA, we were treated even better. There's much more we'd still like to see and do here, but all and all, a fun five days.

Quite a Day

Quite a day, wasn't it?

Wednesday, March 13, 2013 certainly was a newsworthy day for Canadians. Astronaut Chris Hadfield became the first Canadian to command the International Space Station. The 53 year old has quite a media presence, with over half a million Twitter followers. Since arriving at the I.S.S. last December 21, he has been sending out photographs, writing songs, and conducting interviews, all raising awareness among Canadians of the immensity and beauty of space.

And there was the memorial service in Peterborough for the late Stompin' Tom Connors, Canadian singer/songwriter, which was attended by thousands. It was broadcast live on CPAC and Tom's hat, order of Canada medal, guitar, and piece of plywood were all there. Adrienne Clarkson read a letter sent by Romeo Dallaire, commander of the U.N. forces during the Rwandan genocide, who told the story of playing Stompin' Tom's We Are the Blue Berets when his forces were under fire and how it raised their spirits. "We shall stand between the mighty and the frail."

And of course, habemus papam.

Jorge Cardinal Bergoglio, archbishop of Buenos Aires, Argentina was elected pope on the fifth ballot. He took the name Francis I, after the late 12^th/early 13^th century Italian saint from Assisi, Italy, who renounced his privileged existence for a life of service and poverty. This was taken as a good sign, by not only the large crowd in St. Peter's Square, but also by the international commentariat. His humbly asking for the crowd's prayers and blessing was also positively received. So far, so good.

But Pope Francis has a lot on his plate. He's a Jesuit, another first, and is concerned with taking the gospel to the poor and broken. He must try to bridge the gap between liberal and conservative Catholics globally, but keep in mind that the Church is growing more quickly in Africa, Asia, and to a lesser extent, South America. He also has Church administration to clean up.

That brings up the cliques within the Curia. Pope Benedict commissioned a panel of cardinals to investigate the theft of documents from his desk a year ago. Of course, his butler did it, but rumour has it that their investigation uncovered a homosexual ring within the Curia, among other things. That report was kept from the conclave until the new pope was elected. And of course there are still the issues of pedophile priests and other sexual abusers, divorce, contraception, abortion, gay marriage, priestly celibacy, and female priests. Not to say that Francis has to deal with all of these issues, but some of them do require attention sooner rather than later.

I predict that Pope Benedict will have one lasting effect on the Church: his decision to resign at age 85. The cardinals who chose 76 year old Cardinal Bergoglio must relinquish that right at age 80. Pope Francis has eight, maybe nine years to fulfill his mission.

Are the Conservatives in Trouble?

A recently completed EKOS poll released this week shows the Conservative Party of Canada (CPC) down to its traditional base halfway through its first majority term in office.

In power now for six and half years (the first four and a half years were in minority governments), a series of bad decisions on everything from F-35 fighter jets, aboriginal issues, the environment, the Senate, and a sputtering economy have Prime Minister Stephen Harper's Conservative government reaching into the bottom of their bag of tricks to pull out – wait for it – legislation on crime by new Canadians. Yep, the Tories want to repeal the citizenship of those whose maintain dual citizenship who are convicted of crimes.

Anyway, the EKOS poll has some interesting findings. It surveyed nearly 5,000 Canadians, so it was a large sampling, and found that CPC support was down below 30% to 29.3% (and only 33.7% for "likely" voters). Furthermore, Harper's job approval rating nearly mirrored that of his government, at 28%, while 47% of the populace disapproved. More than half of Canadians – 51.2% -- thought that his government was taking the country in the wrong direction.

Other parties fared better. The New Democratic Party (NDP) was down 4.3% from the 2011 election, 30.6% to 26.3%, but in "likely" voters, only .5%, to 30.1%. Thomas Mulcair had a job approval rating of 28% as well, but a "Didn't Know/No Response" rating of 48%, showing he's still got a long way to go to get his message out there.

The Liberal Party of Canada (LPC) was up a whopping 5.7% from the 2011 election, from 18.9% to 24.6%, but strangely less than half that, 2.3%, to 21.2% amongst "likely" voters, suggesting many voters may be "parking" their votes with the Liberals. The putative future leader of the Liberals, Justin Trudeau, had the highest approval rating, at 33%.

There's a great deal more data in the report, which runs to 20 pages, and is available here. Information such as that more than 10% more men than women support the Conservatives. Or that nearly 1/3 of NDP voters use only a cell phone, not a land line. Or that the Liberal Party is still in first place in Atlantic Canada. Or that the Green Party has surged from 3.9% in the 2011 election to 9.5% now, largely based on a 15% return in B.C.

The next federal election is still more than two years away, which means the Conservatives still have just over a year to make amends. Because, once Canadians have decided to change their governments, and this occurs by the beginning of their fourth year in office, they don't change their minds.

Kathleen Wynne

We folks here in Ontario have just gone through a leadership contest to choose a new boss for the ruling Liberal Party, which has been in power under Premier Dalton McGuinty since 2003.

McGuinty started well, with a big lead in the legislature (still less than half the votes though), but a series of missteps, blunders, and wasted money, led to him losing his majority by one seat in the 2011 election. He bought off a Conservative, hoping to win her seat, but lost the by-election to the NDP. Swimming in scandal and self-doubt, he suddenly resigned in mid-October and prorogued the Legislature, which resulted in the just-concluded leadership race.

Sandra Pupatello, a centre-right candidate like McGuinty, but with more personality, sat out the last election and so could claim to have clean hands when it came to most of the scandals. But she also lacked a seat in the Legislature and would have had to lean on someone in her party to resign so she could run. There was also the prorogation problem. Pupatello said most Ontarians didn't care, but waiting another three months for the Legislature to sit was seen as a problem. However, she had the most votes going in, and in fact led on the first two rounds of voting.

But then a surprising thing happened: weaker candidates, and the party brass, shifted to the close second-place candidate, Kathleen Wynne, on the third ballot, making her the eventual winner.

Kathleen Wynne is an interesting choice for the Liberals. A Toronto school board trustee prior to entering Ontario politics, Wynne did do so in a big way, defeating Conservative cabinet minister David Turnbull in 2003 and Conservative leader John Tory in 2007. She was minister of Education, Transportation, and most recently, minister of Municipal Affairs and Housing and Minister of Aboriginal Affairs. She is gay and from Toronto, two factors that most of the "experts" saw as points against her.

Since winning the Liberal leadership, she has been saying all the right things: reaching across the aisle to the leaders of the other two parties in the Legislature, Tim Hudak and Andrea Horwath; meeting with the teachers' leadership with whom the Liberals have had a stormy relationship the past year; speaking out on Toronto's crippling traffic problems; and pledging progress on social issues.

So far she has raised the Liberals slightly in the polls, but it's been only a week and she won't face any big issues until after she takes power officially on February 11. She laughed-off Conservative attack ads on the radio, and seems inclined to make peace with the NDP's Horwath. But the NDP has much to fear from a re-energized Liberal party, and might not be willing to play along. And there's still the ORNGE and the power station brouhahas to be gotten through. How she handles these will determine whether she wins the next election, or is an opposition leader.

Hey, It’s Been a While

It's been a while, hasn't it?

Almost six months since I wrote my last blog post. I'm still having trouble with this darn keyboard. About one typing error for every five words, in fact. And my left foot gives me problems. And when I get excited, I can't remember words. But other than that, I'm doing great.

I exercise about an hour and a half to two hours a day.

The atrial fibrillation diagnosis I had in July has held up and I tolerate the medication well. It turns out that atrial fib is related to sleep apnea so I've been getting sleep tested and fitted for one of those machines. It's very quiet though: the cat sleeps on my chest while it runs. So life goes on.

But I've also been busy in other areas of my life.

Late November saw us on a road trip to Savannah, GA. It's some place I've long wanted to see. We took three days to drive down and three days to drive back, since I'm not driving any more. That was hard at times.

We toured the old, historic city; drank in its bars, ate in its restaurants; and stopped in Myrtle Beach for some early Christmas shopping on the way home.

And then at New Years, we flew to Los Angeles for the wedding of my cousin's oldest son. The weather was in the 60's Fahrenheit and we also took my mom for the occasion. We saw my uncles and the ocean. The Atlantic and the Pacific together in little over a month. It was good.

So this post is keeping a promise I made last Friday evening, that I would get back to writing my blog. I checked the stats on it earlier today and was surprised that, on average, eight people a day are still visiting it. Can't let my loyal readers down, can I?

Making Progress

Well, it's been almost exactly two months since I had my stroke, and I'm feeling a lot better.

About half the days I don't nap anymore, but I still sleep at least eight or nine hours each night. I'm going to the Whitby Hospital for therapy once a week and making progress there, too. Mostly we work on problem-solving such as math or "executive-decision making". That's all about planning and organizing activities.

Two weeks ago, I had a very busy week: I saw six doctors in four days. I was pretty tired for several days afterwards. But what I found out was that (probably) the reason for my stroke was "atrial fibrillation". That means that, instead of pumping blood, the top two chambers in my heart were mixing it around, but only occasionally. This can lead to the formation of strokes. We discovered this in my cardiologist's office. He put me on a blood thinner right away. A neurologist that I saw in Toronto the following week confirmed this.

I still have to go for an MRI, and that's on August 10. Then it's back to my original neurologist in Oshawa the first week of September for a reading of it. But if everything is clear, I should be well on the mend by then.

One sad thing that I learned in all of my visits to the doctors was that I can no longer drive. This, believe it or not, is a result of the stroke that I had four and a half years ago. That one affected my vision and my eye doctor told me about it only then. He thought someone else would have mentioned it before now! So, he says, from now on, I'm a passenger.

But, I'm alive and well, and that's the main thing right now.

Follow me on Twitter: @AeneasLane

Having My Stroke

When I had my stroke, at first I didn't realize what was happening to me.

I woke up that morning and started to try to complete my exercises with my left foot, which I had hurt several months before and for which I had been receiving physiotherapy.

But I had serious trouble with those exercises and I woke up my wife. She could tell I was having trouble. She asked me some questions and called an ambulance.

When they arrived, they assessed me and decided to take me to the hospital.

The whole time, I remember feeling slightly out of phase. I was aware that I was in trouble, but not terribly concerned.

Follow me on Twitter: @AeneasLane

A New Beginning

Three and a half weeks ago I had a stroke.

It wasn't as bad as it could have been, and with help and support I'll make it back.

For those of you who've offered me help and support, thank you.

Follow me at: Aeneas Lane

Who’s Really to Blame for Toronto G20?

Nearly two years after the G20 fiasco in Toronto, two reports issued last week by Ontario's Office of the Independent Police Review Director concluded that several senior officers of the Toronto Police Service acted unlawfully. Their preparations for the event and the orders they gave during the weekend are being blamed for the abuses committed by some rank and file officers, including beatings, kettling, mass arrests, and the horrific conditions at the detention centre.

But the police should not be left to bear the blame alone. They were only following orders. And those orders came right from the top. It was Stephen Harper who decreed that the downtown core of Canada's largest city be turned into a war zone, at the cost of over a billion dollars, all for the sake of a photo op lasting a few hours.

Or was there more to it? Did Harper intend to send a message to Toronto? To Canadians? We'll never know his real motivation. But we do know we couldn't count on our other elected leaders to protect us from his premeditated and cold-blooded show of force: Dalton McGuinty's provincial government secretly aided and abetted the illegal suspension of civil liberties, while Toronto mayor, David Miller, congratulated the police on a job well done.

In what was this generation's version of the October Crisis/War Measures Act, "… the G20 was a demonstration of just how stupid, arrogant, and brutish official Canada has become." And Christopher Hume has much more to say in this scathing indictment of the politicians ultimately responsible.

One can argue that Trudeau panicked and overreacted (certainly, no good reason has ever been provided for his decision). But at least the FLQ were real terrorists. They had carried out bombings. They had kidnapped a Québec cabinet minister and a British diplomat. They would later murder the cabinet minister.

By comparison, the so-called Black Bloc are hooligans, their vandalism the same as that seen after a Stanley Cup game. But while the hooligans were allowed to smash windows and burn a police car, unmolested, in front of the TV cameras, 5400 police were deployed to violate the civil rights of thousands of law-abiding Canadians.

Certainly any police officers guilty of crimes or misconduct should be held responsible and suffer the consequences. But so should the politicians.

As Catherine Porter points out, during the G20, politicians and police trampled our rights and most of us just sat back and let them do it.

Always thought it couldn't happen here? Think again: it already has.

Follow me on Twitter: @AeneasLane

Club Carlson Special Report

Just after I got through complaining in this month's Points and Miles post that I was disappointed by recent offers from the hotels, airlines, and credit card companies, along comes the best offer in quite a while. So good, it's worth a special post so you can take advantage of its time-sensitive registration.

Club Carlson is the loyalty program of Carlson Rezidor Hotels. Its brands include Radisson and Radisson Blu, upscale and luxury hotels in North America and Europe; Country Inn and Suites, mid-scale hotels in North America; as well as Park Plaza and Park Inn.

Carlson has been aggressively expanding and upgrading its properties the last few years and its points promotions have often been the most generous, as it seeks to become as well known as the major players such as Hilton, Starwood, and Marriott.

To take advantage of these offers, you first have to be a member of Club Carlson. It's simple to join, and if you use this link (courtesy of The Points Guy), you might even get a 4500 point sign-up bonus.

The following information comes courtesy of The Loyalty Traveler, who received advance information directly from Club Carlson:

• For the first 100 000 Club Carlson members who register for the offer, a stay at any Radisson or Radisson Blu between May 15 and July 15 will earn 50K bonus points.
  
• For the first 35 000 Club Carlson members who register for the offer, a stay at any Country Inn and Suites between May 15 and July 15 will earn 44K bonus points.
  
• For the first 20 000 Club Carlson members who register for the offer, a stay at any Park Inn between May 22 and July 22 will earn 44K bonus points.
  
• If you are not among the limited number of registrants, you will still receive 15K bonus points for registering and staying.
  
• Members can register and earn all three bonuses.
  
• Registration opens at 1:01 a.m. E.D.T. on May 15 for the Radisson and Country Inn offers, and on May 22 for the Park Inn offer.
  
• The registration pages with full terms and conditions are here: http://www.radissonbignightgiveaway.com/, http://www.sogocountry.com/, http://www.parkinnoneplusone.com/.
  

I plan to register for the Country Inn promotion first and then the Radisson. There are only two Park Inn locations in Canada, in Montréal and Vancouver, so achieving this bonus is not realistic for me. Since my wife is also a Club Carlson member, we will both register.

We will look for properties with rates less than $100 per night (I've already found a Radisson and Country Inn for under $80). This is called "mattress running". We're simply looking for the cheapest way to stay a night in order to get the points (if you actually need a hotel stay somewhere, all the better).

Staying one night at each brand will earn us a combined 200K points. That's assuming rates of $100 with taxes included, because Club Carlson awards 20 points per dollar and 1000 points for booking online.

So we've spent $400 to get 200K points; what will that get us?

For 9K points per night, 22 nights at the Radisson Hotel Orlando - International Drive in Orlando, FL. That works out to $18 per night.

Or the Country Inn and Suites in Scottsdale, AZ for 15K points. 13 nights at $30 per night. Breakfast included.

Some of the best value is found at the highest redemption level of 50K points. You can live like Bev Oda, staying at luxury hotels in New York, Paris, and London for $100 a night, and no taxes.

Offers like this don't come along all that often, so I'll be taking full advantage to build up my bank of Club Carlson points to use for stays in warm-weather locations next winter.

Follow me on Twitter: @AeneasLane

From Canada, with Love

One of the features available to me as blog author is the ability to see who is reading me. Not on an individual level; just the countries where page views are coming from. And while over the lifetime of my blog (just over two years now) Canada is still ahead and the U.S. number two, for the last few months the largest share of my readership has been coming from Russia.

This curious situation has me puzzled. What is it that hundreds of Russians (or the same Russians hundreds of times) find so appealing about my blog? After all, I live in a small Canadian town and I generally write on subjects, that if not of interest primarily to Canadians, at least tend in that direction.

So I've been thinking: what is it about my blog that would interest Russian readers?

Of course the first thing that came to mind was hockey. Both Canadians and Russians are passionate about hockey. Every Canadian of my generation still remembers the series of games between our two countries in September 1972 and the 3-3 tie between Central Red Army and the Montréal Canadiens on December 31, 1975 – the greatest hockey game ever played. But I seldom mention hockey in my blog (except to poke fun at Don Cherry) because I find the state of today's game – as represented by the NHL – to be depressing.

So if not hockey, maybe travel? Like Canadians, Russians live in a cold country. I'm betting that, like Canadians, Russians revel in our all-too-brief summers and would like to get away to somewhere warm when the cold winter winds blow. But I've never mentioned Aeroflot and had never heard of its frequent flier plan, Aeroflot Bonus, until now (I just looked it up).

Ahem, beverages? Russians have a reputation for enjoying vodka. Well, why not, they invented the stuff. So maybe my Russian readers are looking for ways to add some variety to their diets. So here's a classic drink from the 1950's, when vodka was first becoming popular in North America, the Moscow Mule. Over ice in a short glass, combine 50 ml. of vodka, 25 ml. of lime juice, and 150 ml. of ginger beer (or use ginger ale for a milder taste). Stir gently.

But I've got an uncomfortable feeling that my Russian friends are not reading me because they're interested in hockey, travel, or cocktails. I suspect, rather, that they're laughing at me.

Now, I sometimes try to be funny, but that's not what I mean. As a university student, I read a lot of Russian literature – Tolstoy, Chekov, Dostoyevsky – and I know that Russians have a great sense of humour, but they're also a people with a long history, a history that has been hard, more often than not. So that sense of humour is sometimes dark, because it has often been needed to sustain them through difficult days and nights.

So when I complain about the greed of our business class, the unfairness of our government's policies; or the autocratic tendencies of Stephen Harper, I imagine Russians shaking their heads and chuckling, "You don't know what hard times are, приятель."

Thanks for reading.

Follow me on Twitter: @AeneasLane

Black is Back

Mr. 500 Words likes to think of himself as enlightened, socially progressive, compassionate. Ah, who am I kidding? I'm just a big softie.

So I can't tell you how delighted I am to see Conrad Black back in Toronto.

I mean, given all Stephen Harper's talk about being tough on crime and criminals, I was just floored when he rolled out the red and white welcome mat for the foreign felon before he was even released from his Florida prison cell.

And while I'm heaping praise on the P.M. for his big-heartedness, let me give a big shout out to the rich folks of Toronto's Bridle Path neighbourhood. No NIMBYism here: just a warm welcome for a humble ex-con to his Park Lane Circle halfway house.

Makes me proud to a Canadian. And I bet it makes you proud too, Con (I can call you "Con", right? Or do you prefer "Blackie"?).

So I, too, want to do my part and help you adjust to life on the outside.

They say prison changes a man, but Toronto has changed, too, in the five years you've been away, and if you're going to survive these mean streets, you're going to have to know the score.

First of all, there's a new mayor, guy named Ford, and he makes Mel Lastman look like Winston Churchill. I know you used to work for a newspaper, so the thing you need to know about Ford is, he hates reporters. But you have a car, so you should be OK. Oh, one more thing: if you're walking in the park and a big, angry guy runs up to you and tells you to drop your phone, just do it, OK?

Remember when your mom told you not to run with scissors? Well don't even walk with them in Toronto. The cops might shoot you. Seriously, man. And while you're at, get rid of the prison blues and orange jumpsuits; they look too much like hospital gowns.

And depending on who's in town, you might want to avoid large (or even small gatherings) downtown. Find other ways to occupy your time. And for heaven's sake, leave the bubble pipe at home. I'll explain later.

So, Con, even though you're down to your last $80 million and a handful of mansions, I want you to know you still have friends.

Good luck, dude.

Follow me on Twitter: @AeneasLane

Points and Miles: May

I don't know whether you've noticed or not, but it seems that over the last six months or so, points and miles offers, especially from hotel chains have become less lucrative.

One possible explanation for this is that the improving American economy (yes, it really is improving, at least for businesses) has resulted in lower hotel vacancy rates, and thus higher room rates, meaning less need for the chains to offer incentives to fill otherwise empty rooms.

As for airlines, competition has been reduced by mergers (Delta took over Northwest, United merged with Continental, Southwest bought AirTran), and the carriers have been cutting routes and retiring older, less fuel-efficient planes in response to high oil prices. This has meant fewer seats to fill, and combined with the improved business climate, less need to entice fliers.

On the credit card front, credit has gotten tighter, not just in the U.S., but in Canada as well; and reduced competition (BMO took over Citi's Canadian credit card portfolio and TD acquired MBNA's) has meant that rejections are more common, annual fees higher, and sign-up bonuses more meagre.

Throw in the fact that both Aeroplan and AirMiles, Canada's two most popular "loyalty" programs, recently devalued their programs and it looks like the glory days of point and mile travel bargains are behind us.

This may partly explain the current popularity of such "buy-a-deal" sites as WagJag and Groupon, but pitfalls abound with these deals, so buyer beware.

Anyway, points and miles programs aren't going away: they're hugely profitable for one thing. It just means we have to work harder and smarter to get the best value from them. So here are a few good offers for this month.

The Choice Privileges MasterCard usually offers a sign-up bonus of 8K points, but until June 13, you'll get 16K. That's enough for two free nights at many Choice Hotels. All the details are here.

Starwood Hotels (Sheraton, Westin, etc.) is offering CAA/AAA members a range of discounts and special offers at properties in the southern U.S. and Caribbean through the end of 2012. Check them out here.

And for Aeroplan members, earn either a 1500 mile or 16 500 mile bonus when you complete a range of partner activities during the month of May. You have a head start if you have an Aeroplan-branded credit card and/or are flying Air Canada during the month. This page will tell you what you need to know. I love this one, because it's a challenge to see how I can maximize my activities with a minimum of spending.

I'll let you know how I did when the points post.

Follow me on Twitter: @AeneasLane

Show Bev Oda Some Love

Living in Port Perry, I have the great good fortune to be a constituent of International Development Minister Bev Oda.

In case you've never had the pleasure of meeting Bev, let me assure you she's of a sunny disposition, a real salt of the earth, "raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens" kinda gal. In other words, just like us little folk.

So I was as surprised as anyone at these reports of her turning her nose up at the lowly 5-star hotel where her conference was being held, opting instead for the Savoy, favoured haunt of royalty and owned by a Saudi prince. Apparently, we were still on the hook for $287 for one night at the original hotel, as well as the three nights at the Savoy (at $685 a night) and nearly $3,000 for a limo to drive her back and forth for 3 days.

Like you, I figured this must be all some kind of misunderstanding. Perhaps her original room wasn't ready, or they lost her reservation. Maybe every taxi in London was in for service those three days. You know, the kind of thing we've all encountered while on holiday, the kind of thing that can really blow a hole in the old budget.

Speaking of budgets, we've just seen Stephen Harper's and we know austerity is the watchword of his government: old folks forced to wait 'til 67 to get a pension, food inspectors and border guards being fired, aid to the world's poorest people being slashed.

So I just knew that Bev wouldn't have wasted a nickel of our money; that would be just plain wrong. There had to be some reasonable explanation.

And then it hit me: Bev hasn't been reading my blog.

I can't really blame her. She's a busy person. She has a lot on her plate. Conferences to attend. Expense claims to fill out. And those $380 million in cuts at the Canadian International Development Agency that were in the budget? Well, they aren't gonna cut themselves.

But here's the thing: if Bev had been reading my blog on the first Thursday of each month, she would have known all about where to get the best deals on airfares, hotels, and car rentals. And how to maximize loyalty points and miles.

So whadya say, faithful blog readers, should we help Bev out?

If you'd like to show Bev some love, just copy this link to my latest post on points and miles: http://giveme5hundredwords.blogspot.ca/2012/01/points-and-miles-january.html and email it to Bev at: Oda.B@parl.gc.ca

You'll be doing us all a favour.

Follow me on Twitter: @AeneasLane

Plans for the Pen

The federal government announced yesterday that it was closing the 177-year old Kingston Penitentiary. Dating to 1835, the limestone fortress on the shores of Lake Ontario harkens back to the days of stone cells, the rule of silence, and the lash. And if the government wants to splash out billons on new prisons, closing the Kingston Pen is probably one of the better reasons for doing so.

But the Pen is also a major employer in the eastern Ontario city, and with Stephen Harper's government threatening to slash 20,000 workers from its payroll, prison staff are understandably anxious about their futures. However, Public Safety Minister Vic Toews has promised there will be no job cuts, and if you can't believe Vic Toews, well who can you believe?

Still, 500 Words was curious, so I reached out to my sources deep inside the government who spoke on condition of anonymity and here are some of the future uses being considered by the Conservatives for Kingston's "little castle", situated on a scenic four hectares, a stone's throw from downtown.

The Tony Clement Palace of Porcelain. With the addition of a $500 million gazebo-like entrance, the old jail will be transformed into the world's largest (pay) toilet. And thanks to the new "streamlined" environmental approval process, the Peter Kent Big Poop Chute will carry the raw sewage straight to Lake Ontario. Bring the kiddies to see the seagulls flock right after lunch! Destined to become a top attraction.

The Jim Flaherty (Work)Home for the Aged. Concerned that you be won't be able to make ends meet while you wait until 67 to get your Old Age Security? You can stop worrying elderly Canadians! Choose from one of our luxurious NDP or Liberal suites. Rates will be reasonable. And the best part? The government won't have to spend a dime updating or renovating: the Pen is in move-in condition.

The Peter MacKay Four Seasons Vacation Resort. Boasting spectacular views of Lake Ontario, this upscale property offers the ultimate in luxurious relaxation for the busy cabinet minister looking to escape the challenges of basic arithmetic. And with CFB Kingston just across the water, you'll have VIP transportation at your fingertips 24/7.

Other uses under consideration include the Bev Oda Museum of Calligraphy ("not" to be missed), and the Lisa Raitt School of (Hard) Labour Relations (union leaders will find themselves comfortably "accommodated" under the watchful eyes of Queen's University MBA students).

But my sources confide that the Pen will likely be sold. Wal-Mart and Tim Horton's are said to be interested.

Follow me on Twitter: @AeneasLane

Points and Miles: April

I held off publishing the monthly points and miles post last week because, with the first quarter just ended and Easter weekend approaching, most of the major chains and airlines had yet to announce their second quarter promotions.

While that's still partly true, here are the best offers to surface so far. I've listed the name of the hotel chain, its loyalty program and principal brands, followed by the current bonus offers. Click on the name of the loyalty program to sign up if you're not already a member, and click on the links to register for the offers.

Best Western Best Western Rewards:

• Stay three separate times before June 3, and get a $50 Best Western gift card. Aeroplan members also earn 4X Aeroplan miles. Register here.
  

Choice Hotels Choice Privileges: Comfort Inn, Quality, EconoLodge, Clarion, Rodeway.

• Until May 8, earn enough points with two stays for a free night at any of more than 1,500 hotels in the Choice chain. If you're not a Choice Privileges member, you can join at the same time you register for the promotion.
  

Hilton, Hilton HHonors: Hilton, DoubleTree, Embassy Suites, Hilton Garden Inn, Hampton Inn, Homewood Suites.

• Register to earn double points or double miles for stays before June 30.
  

Intercontinental Hotels Group, Priority Club Rewards: Intercontinental, Crowne Plaza, Hotel Indigo, Holiday Inn, Holiday Inn Express, Staybridge Suites, Candlewood Suites.

• Buy or give Priority Club Rewards points by April 30 and receive up to 50% bonus points. Canadian residents must pay HST on purchases. See this post by The Loyalty Traveler for where the "sweet spots" are for getting the best value.
  

Petro-Canada Petro-Points

• You can donate your Petro-Points to the Canadian Cancer Society to help fight cancer.
  

VIA Rail VIA Préférence

• Seat Sale until April 17. 50% off economy class. Good for travel until August 29.

Follow me on Twitter: @AeneasLane

Go West, Old Man

Hey there. Yeah, you. Angry old white guy.

Had it up to here with Premier Dad?

Tired of paying a hundred bucks just to put gas in yer SUV?

Sick of supporting a losing hockey team?

Looking for a place you can be free to fondle your firearms in peace?

We feel your pain.

We're Citizens for a Conservative-Free Ontario, and we can help.

We're offering tax-free (the best kind, am I right?) grants of up to $1,000* to those willing to move to Alberta and promise never to return.

Alberta, where they have not one, but two right-wing parties. Where there's no provincial sales tax. Where Earth Hour is only 30 minutes long. Where petroleum literally oozes out of the ground.

OK, so maybe they don't play hockey in April there either, but at least they don't have to stay up as late to watch the Vancouver games.

Does it get any better?

What's in for us you might wonder? Just cleaner air, cheaper gas, more jobs, better government, and fewer women's shelters. Whatcha call a "win-win".

Whadya say, big guy, can I sign ya up?

*Terms and conditions apply. Valid only on April 1.

Follow me on Twitter: @AeneasLane

The Harper Games

It's an annual ritual: a privileged elite in a distant capital exacts a terrible tribute from the oppressed citizens living in the far-flung districts of the nation. While the pretence of democracy is maintained, the majority seethes with discontent, but any opposition is dealt with harshly and swiftly. Resistance is futile.

Yes, it's the blockbuster everyone's talking about: The Harper Games.

• Tune in to see if Games Master Jim Flaherty can hit a deficit target on his eighth attempt!
  
• Thrill to the spectacle of starving seniors battling it out over tins of cat food in the arena!
  
• Watch in horror as environmental regulations are gutted!
  
• See rivers of blood flow at the CBC!
  
• Witness the axe fall on thousands of civil servants!
  

And every year, some fortunate group is selected for partial exemption from tribute: the buyers of bus passes, skating lessons, or cordless drills are just of few of the past winners. A favoured few may even have the Games Master or Harper himself come to their kitchen and appear on the video screens of the nation. Who will it be this year?

And this just in…

No surprise here really: it looks like the oil companies! Again! Let's hear it for the lucky winners!

Follow me on Twitter: @AeneasLane