Born That Way

They can't help themselves.

Conservatives I mean. The media reported recently on a study in the on-line edition of Current Biology that there are differences in the brain structures between those with liberal and those with conservative views.

This isn't the first study to suggest such a difference. Another one a few years ago in the journal Nature Neuroscience reported similar findings.

Seems Lady Gaga was correct: "I'm on the right track baby; I was born this way."

Now I know some of you are thinking, "Being Conservative is just a lifestyle choice. With intensive therapy, they can be changed; they can become moderate, tolerant, sensible, even."

Me, I'm not so sure. Anyway, most of them seem perfectly happy the way they are.

Besides, how do you get through to someone who believes that the poor have too much and the rich have too little?

Or that access to health care should depend on your ability to pay?

Or that higher education should be beyond the reach of all but the offspring of the elites?

Or that billions need to be spent on new jails despite falling crime rates?

Or that "strong leaders" make elections unnecessary?

But if conservatives (and by extension, Conservatives) are "born that way", I guess as a liberal, compassionate, reasonable person I really ought to stop picking on them; it's not their fault.

Actually, just as long as they stick to their own hangouts (boardrooms, donut shops, Coach's Corner), I really don't care. What bothers me is their openly flaunting their Conservativist lifestyle, or forcing it on others.

It's not like they're in the majority or anything.

In Other Words

This week may bring the fall of Stephen Harper's Conservative minority government and a possible federal general election in Canada. You can probably guess my opinion of the "Harper Government™". Here are some other voices.

"… Ignatieff, not a latter-day Nelson Mandela or Angela Merkel, is going to lead the Grits into the next election, whenever it comes. We owe it to ourselves finally to take him seriously."

"As Mr. Trudeau said when the press got on his case, 'Consider the alternative.' And so we thought of poor Bob Stanfield and Joe Clark. And Trudeau lost an election and won four, and served some 15 years as PM. As we should have given Harper his chance – and trust me, we've seen as good as it gets from this cold, mildly paranoid, mean-spirited and visionless man – the most viable alternative now deserves its chance."

"If Harper were kind and competent, there'd be no election talk." (David Olive, in his Everybody's Business blog for the Toronto Star)

"The Cons have laboured mightily to craft an Everyman persona for Stephen Harper. They've expended a few fortunes to convince you hockey rinks and Tim Hortons franchises are the summit of all Canuck wisdom — and it is Harper alone who loves it there.

Pardon me, but that's horsecrap. If anyone can produce a single undoctored photograph of Stephen Harper lined up for a double-double at a Tim Hortons prior to the 2004 election campaign, we'll happily post it in this space and issue the requisite mea culpa. But they can't. The Tim Hortons thing, like every other political affectation that preceded it, is the invention of boys in the backroom. It's BS. Ipso facto, he doesn't connect.

Ignatieff? To his credit, at least he doesn't pretend Timmys is the new Lourdes, with apparitions of Mackenzie King and Lester Pearson hovering above the doughnuts, imparting wisdom. He's John Kerry, and he knows it.

The question, then, isn't who will win the next election. It's this: Why is the choice between two men we feel don't know us, or even particularly like us?

Why is the choice between two men who don't connect?" (Warren Kinsella, in a column in the Ottawa Sun)

"While I guess while others may feel a bit squeamish about our PM ordering double-doubles and dipped donuts while the world, literally, moved on without him, I, for one, am grateful. The leader of our country has chosen to re-announce a three-month-old decision by a donut company instead of taking part in a conversation at the United Nations. In so doing, he's given me a whole bunch of fodder for research about how politicians see us now as shoppers/eaters now instead of educated citizens. Thanks, PM." (Susan Delacourt in her blog for the Toronto Star on the occasion of Stephen Harper passing up a United Nations conference to attend a Tim Hortons ribbon cutting)

Coffee: The Right Drink for Canada?

HUNTSVILLE -- A report released today by the Tazer Institute concludes that coffee beats education when it comes to helping voters make the right choice. Estimates of its effect ranged from a small regular trumping a community college diploma, to an extra large double-double besting a Ph.D.

Rumours had been circulating since the 2008 federal election, when pundits claimed that the Harper Conservatives' success at the polls was due to their appeal to "the Tim Hortons drinking" segment of the electorate.

Speculation increased late in 2009 when Harper was a no-show at the United Nations, instead touring the Tim Hortons Innovation Centre in Oakville.

Observers sensed something was brewing last week when Quebecor Media launched its Sun News channel, dubbed "Fox News North". Dressed in a $3,000 suit, Quebecor Media vice-president and former CBC pundit and communications director for Stephen Harper, Kory Teneycke, explained, "We will offer the type of raw debate Canadians only find today in coffee shops."

Speaking at a news conference held at the $2 million drive thru specially constructed to host the G8 summit here, a spokesperson for the Institute explained how it had arrived at its findings. "We simply counted the number of Don Cherry bobbleheads in pickup trucks idling in coffee shop drive thrus. The number was highest in Conservative ridings. It was a no brainer, really."

Strangely, the effect was not observed in those who consumed coffee drinks with names ending in "-ino". "They tend to live in cities and take public transit," he explained, "Need I say more?"

A representative of the Canadian Taxcutters Federation confirmed the Tazer Institute findings. When asked what his group's studies had shown, he stated, "We don't need no academic elites doing 'so-called' studies. We know we're right. It's just common sense."