The Top 10 Reasons Why I Should Be the Next Governor-General

The nation is abuzz with frenzied debate (well, OK, not really) over who should be the next governor-general. The successful candidate should be a respected Canadian who will represent the nation at home and abroad for the next five years. Several notable names have been put forward: Peter Milliken, Rick Hansen, Nancy Ruth, Preston Manning, William Shatner (my personal favourite, after myself). But let me give you the top ten reasons (there are dozens more) why I think it's time Stephen Harper took a good, long look at Aeneas Lane for the next governor-general of Canada.

1. There's never been a governor-general from Port Perry. It's about time.
2. I have a really cool name. In fact, many people, just seeing my name, have no idea if I'm a man or a woman. Bonus! I have both genders covered.
3. My wife is retiring and I need the money.
4. I have my own Starfleet dog tags. (Take that, Bill Shatner!)
5. Jake would be the "first cat".
6. Some are born great. Some achieve greatness. I'm 0 for 2. That leaves only, "Some have greatness thrust upon them." I'm down to my last strike.
7. I'm sesquilingual. Just being able to make up that word makes me more qualified than 99.99% of my fellow Canadians.
8. I've never eaten raw seal's liver, but I'm willing to give it a shot. After all, I'm not afraid to eat at the Antrim.
9. I look good in a suit.
10. I would promise to stop writing this blog.

But I can't be the greatest governor-general Canada has ever had without your help. Click this link pm@pm.gc.ca to let Stephen Harper know you want me as the next G-G. All I can promise in return is blood, sweat, and a guided tour of Rideau Hall's wine cellar. Forward this to all your friends. You'll be glad you did. I promise.